Daily Routine

Tomorrow begins a new month. For me it’s a month filled with birthdays starting with my oldest granddaughter who resides on the west coast. I send virtual greetings over the internet rather than expensive snail mail cards on these occasions.

Sipping my morning coffee I daily make the rounds of social media during early morning hours. Today my laptop nearly was the recipient of my cup of brew.

Why?  I gasped when I saw my replacement seven years my junior. The woman may be nice only she appears via her posts to be bragging thru hand gestures at her newfound love conquest.

Personally I refrain from broadcasting such info for others to view since I prefer to keep intimate details private.

Although quite familiar with the more popular emojis I had to access another branch of social media for definitions.

A heart encased in ribbon with a bow emoji, the victory hands emojis plus a few love you hands with two fingers pointed downward emojis spelled out to the world the obvious – a new fling in progress.  I wanted to puke.

Although I chose to terminate the sub-standard relationship, it still stings when a pic or post such as I viewed is found while scrolling one’s newsfeed.

Perhaps it’s his way to hurt me for dissolution of our relationship. Perhaps it’s the woman’s way of bragging about her new love interest.

I shall stand strong and not allow either assumption to wreak havoc in a beautiful day filled with sunshine. Ironic is how the following quote I read last week from my love quotes app held such true words.

“Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship – never.” ~ Charles Caleb Colton

On a positive note I took advantage of today’s daily prompt. Late last night I had tossed around some ideas for today’s blog only this morning I was still in stuck mode until I read the daily prompt – sub-standard.

I’m thankful I took the initiative to end a relationship headed nowhere and not accept the deal breakers nor his insecurities.

Although I value friendships I face two options. To delete the one network I previously agreed to his request to remain friends on would end all forms of communication and  our somewhat boring cordial messages or I could keep him as a friend and see how his love for her unfolds or dissipates with time.

I truly believe lepers rarely change their spots and his track record with women leaves much to be desired thus the latter option could prove interesting for writing purposes.

Decisions! Decisions!

 

 

 

Ice Cream Withdrawal

Summer months and all the favorite ice cream shops local and afar are offering up specials and limited edition flavors.

Since the beginning of year 2017 I’ve been a participant of a weight-loss program and my weight has been on the downward trend.

A changeover to the new healthier version of me was in full swing. Inclusive were some healthy recipe classes, daily walking, pre-planning of meals for one and record keeping.

My overall health showed signs of improvement as my clothing sizes became smaller and daily exercise left me refreshed and energized.

This weight loss journey took lots of self-discipline and at times self-denial. I’d document my food choices and often plated my meals, photographed them and posted them on Instagram.

I wasn’t prepared for sudden disappointment of a hope nor the roller coaster ride of emotions.

Saddened by the turn of events, I broke regimen and began to indulge in one of my favorite delicious food items, ice cream.

It’s my only guilty pleasure since no way would this child of an alcoholic turn to booze to curb the pain.

Ready for bed each night, I’d religiously measure out my 1/2 cup portion, consume it then return to the freezer to replenish the bowl with another serving plus a few extra tablespoons.

My favorite is classified as all-American dairy manufactured with milk and cream from cows not treated with artificial growth hormones and all colors and flavors from natural sources.

The preference to consume the culprit which contributed to my former beach ball figure from a dish rather than melting off a waffle or sugar cone allowed me on occasion to add additional toppings of chocolate sauce, whipped cream and maraschino cherries referred now to creation of an ice cream sundae.

The eye-opener this past week was disappointment of the numbers on the weigh-in scale at my physician’s 6-month visit. Although there was a registered weight loss, the goal I’d set for myself hadn’t been achieved thanks to my foolish behavior.

Amidst temperatures ranging from 70s thru 90s, the peak time for those who desire my favorite frozen dessert, I’m totally aware it’s time for me to curb my nightly craving and switchover to healthier choices.

Embarking on a restart feels a bit like the 40 days of Lent, the time period prior to Easter observed with fasting, repentance and practice of spiritual discipline.

 

 

 

 

The Road of Empty Prayer

Friendship can turn into love; however love back to friendship usually never. The hopeless romantic held out hope though.

All these cordial messages since the breakup are a manner of creative destruction following a period of inner peacefulness.

I could’ve defended your accusation of being ‘demanding’ only I chose not to play the drama card. No, I was the giver and you were the taker.

Life holds no promises. The words ‘perhaps’ and ‘maybe’ usually are a nice way of saying ‘I don’t think so’.

It appears the bargaining stage of grief came back to haunt me. I don’t want to be adrift  again hoping you’ll have a change of heart. I opt for steadfastness.

Quite by surprise along came the signs I needed to keep me afloat – a pink bow and an anchor.

In a hurry one morning this week  I ironed a new gray V-neck top and overlooked the cute pink bow and anchor.

A gal curious by nature, I researched both on the internet for their significance. I was surprised by what I read.

The color pink represents charm, compassion, nurturing, romance and unconditional love. Those were all inclusive in my love for you.

An anchor is a symbol of both hope and steadfastness defined as here is where I stand and these are rules I govern by within my life.

Realization now is I need to remove you from all phases of social media.  For a woman who is far from a quitter this is one of the saddest thoughts.

Truth is no amount of hope can fill my empty prayer of together again. It’s time for a new adventure, a new journey and hopefully a man who loves me unconditionally.

 

 

The Reset Button

Writer’s Block temporarily took hold on me shattering my thoughts and slamming the huge encyclopedia of vocabulary words I faithfully update on a daily basis.

Periodically topics of interest walked thru my mind then quickly disappeared similar to the setting sun following a beautiful day.

Typing more than a few sentences seemed more like a chore versus the interesting, educational fun associated with blogosphere.

I realized if this pattern continued my forever garden would soon be filled with spent wilted flowers – drought of blogs via procrastination.

A short conversation with two members of the Lovely Ladies group following our weekly Friday morning meeting left me with numerous positive thoughts.

Although my chosen outfit of the day was adorned with flowers and bling a choice of sad emoji faces – character fabric print filled with upside down smiles and tears would have been more appropriate and in sync with my mood and feelings.

A reformed people pleaser and still somewhat of a perfectionist I shall not quit rather  strive forward. I am a survivor.

This afternoon I looked up from my computer screen and viewed the large collage I created earlier in 2017 for my weight loss journey. Mirrored back at me was the large red 5 inch button which reads ‘Reset – Use As Necessary’.

It appears all I needed was this small message to ignite the desire to write random thoughts.

Back to Blogging!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back on Track

During my younger years I ate healthy and exercised on a regular basis. I was fortunate to remain within my height to weight ratio.

Lots of events transpired in my life throughout the following decades leaving me with a bit of a gray cloud hovering overhead.

I admit it’s extremely difficult to remain positive ‘all the time’ when being knocked down.

The words ‘timeout please’ became part of daily prayer. I learned how hard life can be; it’s not always the rosy picture painted for us during youth.

Fast forward to Ms. Roly Poly carrying two good-sized turkeys onboard. Yes, that’s me I’m making reference to in a joking manner.

What to do? I wasn’t happy with this newfound me whatsoever and I was aware that it was only ‘I’ who could make changes.

Time to get with an exercise program and make better food choices especially for health reasons. I embarked on the new journey of bookkeeping points and posting daily pics of my meals on social media.

Sticking to the regimen wasn’t exactly easy on a daily basis. Once the transformation began the drive to succeed and reach goals set for myself seemed attainable.

I didn’t expect the saboteur. The boyfriend who friend zoned me during Memorial Day weekend and sent me into an abyss of despair. I sank into a funk.

Suddenly I could care less about healthy eating and the daily walks. To sabotage months of progress was both disheartening and unbelievable to me.

At night I would comfort myself with my favorite flavor of ice cream ‘waffle cone’. The half cup turned into half a bowl.

What was I thinking? Certainly large amounts of frozen food containing sweetened and flavored cream couldn’t mend the shattered pieces of my broken heart. I knew what I was doing and somehow I didn’t seem to care.

For months I had measured out portions and ate healthy foods. I’d walked through the historic district of my hometown zigzagging a path through the streets for a period of 30 to 40 minutes on all but inclement weather days. I felt great!

What happened? I kept telling myself soon I’d be held accountable if I didn’t change this newfound mind frame. Thankfully with time the cloud overhead departed as the loss of a loving relationship slowly came to a closure.

The past with the saboteur now holds little significance. Today I weighed in only two pounds more than expected at my doctor’s appointment. Instead of registering a 10 pound loss on my chart the nurse placed the number ‘8’.  I didn’t reach the increment goal set for myself several months ago and that’s okay.

I’m still 41 pounds lighter than when I started my weight loss journey and that’s a plus in the world of shedding pounds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Software Updating Aggravation

Thrown into worldwide technology and forced to learn as you go, I found myself utterly frustrated periodically. Talk about stress!

On the occasions when one or more computer software updates were followed by the disconnection of all my social networks it took me countless hours to accomplish the re-connection process.  I wanted to scream!

What happened to all my stored passwords? I thought the idea of saying ‘yes’ to storage of passwords was to eliminate the recovery of or necessity for changeover. Time taught me this wasn’t exactly 100% true.

I miss the old days. I’d rather utilize my electric typewriter. Huh! I’m fortunate if I can find an ink cartridge for that key-plunker in an office supply store.

Ah, the creepie-peepie took over and along came challenge after challenge as files not backed up became lost files and info not saved lodged in cyberspace forever thanks to a power failure.

Add to those incidents the scenario of one’s computer suddenly without sufficient   forewarning becoming obsolete due to lack of memory space or its’ inability to update a software program without a new often expensive upgrade.

Last week following several days of the same notification regarding privacy settings staring back at me on my laptop each morn I found myself shocked and void of choice when the updating process started automatically without my permission. My computer was in hostage mode therefore I couldn’t access any programs.

As I waited patiently and checked back on the half hours I wondered what the final result would divulge in the area of problems due to this rather lengthy update session.

Tired of fix after fix of technical problems and past tired of change I wasn’t exactly prepared nor thrilled when suddenly I discovered and faced the inability to print documentation from the Internet. It took quite a bit of trial and error to resolve the unexpected problem.

You guessed it. I’m not a computer geek. I consider myself old-school and sure do miss those manuals that once accompanied computer purchases.

 

 

Enlightenment

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart – an eye opener for online daters looking for an exclusive long-term relationship.

Although far from impossible to interact with a potential new partner who shares similar interests on a dating site, it’s quite time-consuming to complete the discovery process.

Me, I’m a bit of a wallflower, shy and reserved. I refuse to apologize for being myself. You either like me or move on. If I don’t find you of interest, I politely wish you well on your journey.

A huge dissatisfaction I experienced with online dating was dishonesty by misrepresentation. I basically was in search of an age-appropriate male who resided fairly local and enjoyed the simple joys of life.

I wasn’t impressed by a show of motorcycles, boats or other material items acquired previously. Neither was I in search of a home nor bank account.

To any man who had children onboard I vowed to be no more than a friend to his kids and not step across the line to discipline them. I knew my place.

New beginnings can be quite awkward and one should never underestimate the importance of communication.

A person can learn so much positive and negative about another merely via a few messages or phone conversations.

Unfortunately for me two potential candidates for a written success story of a future together down the road turned sour.

I did quite a bit of soul searching only to find lo and behold I was neither the culprit nor deal-breaker.  I suppose this positive realization should’ve brought me comfort and peace of mind. Thinking back it left me for a brief period in quite a bewildered state. This passed with time.

Refusing to become discouraged, I chose to take a hiatus, master the art of letting go of chasing dreams via Internet and focus on new creations.

One of this morning’s posts in my newsfeed revealed a beautiful Lotus flower. I couldn’t resist doing a little research on it. It’s most important meaning was its’ representation of ‘rebirth’.

“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.” – a quote from Buddha

Enlightenment.

 

 

 

 

 

Determination Is The Key

Usually being a beginner to the world of blogging, I bypass the daily prompts.

Today the suggested prompt word ‘harmonize’ sparked interest. It’s a word I’ve become used to hearing the past few months since resuming piano lessons two months ago.

Although away from the music instrumental world for a period of time, I returned with a passion fueled with desire to learn more and complete both of my Adult All-In-One Course Level 1 books.

Previously I had gone off course when I requested to learn certain artists’ tunes and of course I can’t forget those beautiful Christmas carols.

I chose without the instructor’s request to review the manual page by page starting with Page 1. This extra-curricular activity already paid off in the short term when this past week I mastered quite a difficult piece over a two-week period.

The instructor’s smile and input were a most heartwarming reward for all the effort I’d  put into self-discipline practice.

Harmony in piano is defined as playing notes together. It accompanies melody which is made up of notes played separately. I attained my goal to play both hands together in perfect harmony.

This senior citizen is quite pleased with herself and looking forward to the next challenge amidst the 30 pages shy of completion of that first level book.

In life one is never too old to learn.

Grief Process Revelation

Twenty-two years ago I said a final ‘Good-bye’ to my 28-year old daughter. Five years later my 35-year marriage ended in divorce. In order to heal I had to process these major losses.

I experienced all five stages of grief, working through them and on occasion found myself re-visiting a few. Time doesn’t exactly heal the wounds, rather you learn to live without those you love and your life changes forever.

This year I met a man I thought ‘perhaps’ would fill the void since we appeared quite compatible. Although selective I’d made a wrong choice.

Our short-term relationship dissolved Memorial Day weekend. The smiling, bubbly gal became the quiet, reserved woman amidst friends and acquaintances similar to years ago.

I had no idea I’d be experiencing grief again.  A little research revealed that with each loss the hurt can become worse and thus the reason I sank into a mild depression.

He wanted to remain on a friendship basis with me only I felt if I wasn’t good enough to date anymore then I’d best refrain from any form of contact especially since he made it perfectly clear no chance we’d ever be a couple again in the future.

And thus I went from denial to anger to bargaining. Following came the depression and now I can honestly say, “I’m over him.”

I vow no more chasing dreams via online dating. It’s perfectly okay to be single status. Will I date? Yes. Moving on in the world of blogging with new topics that fill my heart with joy.  Adios relationship complications!

 

 

Relationships in Cyberspace

Each day I see different articles with regard to pros and cons of online dating.

This morning’s read was accompanied by a nice slideshow which I chose to take the time to view.

The majority of the information I was already aware of via personal experience with dating sites.

Over a period of months I’d read various dating guidelines and similar to the ebb and flow of the tide potentials entered my life and left.

I remember how TV commercials and media advertisements held such promise.

A passing thought: I wonder if these sites post current statistics of the percentage of members versus actual match success stories.

Overall, I far from consider this to be one of the more positive experiences during my lifetime.

Rather I liken it more to a waste of precious valuable time. It’s far from easy to secure a date on an intellectual level.

Today’s dating game is one with rules for certain and best you educate yourself on how to deal with players and weirdos.

Men shared their not-so-pleasant stories about experiences with women thus feelings of disappointment are mutual on both sides of the spectrum, both male and female.

Personally, I grew tired of the constant flirts from the same men and their one line messages.

Was I searching for perfection? Not at all.

Where is my prince charming? Obviously he doesn’t exist in cyberspace.

For now I shall opt out and search for another venue in hope of finding a sane, honest and fun-loving man who appreciates the values of a good woman.