The Inner Critic

Each morning I access my computer for a short period of time prior to

fixing breakfast.

I pick and choose what to read, often scrolling thru a few paragraphs before

moving onto another selection.

Today an article caught my eye (a fact) it had my name written all over it.

The former joyful gal for many years, amidst periods of turmoil, no longer

likes herself.

And then I read how a woman going through a divorce revealed to her

close friends she can’t be happy for others.

Bingo!!

She stated her true feelings and this admission of truth made her friends feel

uncomfortable.

Yes, I’ve experienced the same feeling.

It was never about self-pity rather hope for a bit of support and understanding.

I learned to never expect anything from another individual.

From the contents of this morning’s article I assumed perhaps it better to lie.

Wow!!

This certainly wouldn’t be a good habit to form this late in life.

I thought what on earth can I do about my own personal predicament.

On the internet I found several responses to my search for the top

10 stressors and a list of things that steal your joy.

Fortunately I was able to print it out since although I don’t suffer from

ADHD my attention span is shorter compared to earlier years.

The critical voice in my head’s purpose, to find fault with everything I do,

appears to be operating in overdrive.

You want to try something new automatically a prediction of failure.

I thought I did something well then thought how it could have been done

better.

Chronic stress is actively turning into anxiety and some degree of depression.

Once upon a time I used to wish I’d never been born followed by the belief

I’d never live past age 21.

It’s amazing how a person’s childhood can affect their thinking for the rest

of their life.

I don’t wish to participate and ‘spill my guts’ or ‘hang out dirty family

laundry’.

Sad but true is I’ve been privy to the majority of major stressors on those lists.

Life isn’t fair for all.

Although I’ve accepted the truth that ‘bad things happen to good people

people’ it hasn’t exactly made my life easier to endure each day.

I’m a firm believer that no person who hasn’t experienced the same

negative events can actually know how you feel.

Today I’ll end with a note about Friday the 13th, a day dreaded by superstitious

people. This is a true personal experience.

While enjoying an afternoon playing Bingo at the local senior center, a friend

sitting at the table expressed her concern about this date.

I told her, “Don’t worry Dolores, it’s just a day and bad luck can happen any day.”

Once home my affirmation of positivity turned amuck when I opened my mailbox

and found a letter of legal concern, another court appearance unless I agree to

stated terms.

I couldn’t believe the person with whom I’d spent most of my life would be onboard

with the plan to financially destroy me. (Round #4)

Small wonder I learned to distrust family members plus a few certain friends.

Live and learn.