Past Tired of Negatives

A few weeks ago I made a promise to myself to write ‘positive’ posts as people

either enjoy drama, disagree or flee from the follower count community.

I even gave my new project a title ‘Tapestry of My Life’ and then as usual

since walking from a relationship that drained my savings account ‘problems.

Perhaps in 2010 I wasn’t thinking thru the impulsive move that would soon

find me face-to-face with unbelievable dire effects void of actual solutions and

assistance.

Eleven years together and now we were arguing on a daily basis.

I wanted to escape.

I wanted to secure a residence.

The downfall in the economic situation led to my long term partner’s

sudden unemployment.

Our home was headed for foreclosure.

He frowned on working more local for one half his salary.

Although I understood the principle behind his thinking pattern, I had

no clue he was suffering from depression.

Rather I attributed his actions or inaction to lack of common sense as

to me some income was better than none.

I moved alright – from the frying pan into the fire!

Sadly, I regret the only impulsive decision I ever made (if correct) in

my entire life.

There’s a lesson here: “Give plenty of thought to what’s happening around

you, the future down the road and those who claim they’ll be there for you.”

I accessed my blog earlier to 1. participate in a prompt challenge and 2. to

share about when, how, with whom I started my ‘creative’ journey only my

thoughts took a 360 degree turn when noises arose from my kitchen sink.

No forewarning, no notifications of scheduled maintenance – basically no

clues unless one contacts the office with questions.

The downside of tenancy in an apartment complex from which the

likelihood of securing future residence appears to be next to nil at this time..

Tapestry of My Life

“When one door closes, another opens.” ~ Alexander Graham Bell

Too often we focus on the sordid trodden path and sadly fail to


seek other opportunities at which we may per chance
become

successful.

Over the weekend a fellow blogger shared a post on the reasons

some blogs fail while others flourish.

I printed his post out and reflected on it.

The realization hit me. I needed to take a brand new

route, devise a plan with a fresh outlook and content.

What in life makes you happy? What puts a smile on your face?

And so with time ‘The Tapestry of My Life’ will evolve reminiscing

years of textile art, several crafts woven, referenced by the world

as ‘tapestry’.

I shall try to refrain from those warped threads hidden in the work.


SoCS – March 13th 2021

Prompt: day-week-month-year

Reflecting back it’s hard to focus on whatever actually was positive as

daily reads and gruesome tales were the constant everywhere.

Step outside amidst ‘The Twilight Zone’.

I listened, I watched, I realized whatever I wished for was not in the cards

so best to accept fate.

For those who faced this most difficult time, remained positive and somehow

managed to be productive, I applaud you.

As a popular country western singer related, “This feels like prison.”

For certain since it’s NO you can’t do this and NO you can’t do that to this date.

My entire life I’ve never been a quitter. The Pandemic took its toll on me.

Slowly the depressed state of mind set in when I realized the scheduled

organization of my apartment wasn’t going to occur.

As the DIY list grew so did the anger and bitterness.

So many personal questions void of real answers or solutions.

Now:

I’ve grown tired of remembering that which I wish to forget so instead

I’ve given thought to writing more about what brought ‘LOVE’ into my

life before and after the empty nest syndrome.

Arts and crafts from this day forward – bi-weekly posts.

https://lindaghill.com/2021/03/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-13-2021/


National Grammar Day – March 4th

Earlier this week I wrote a post – topic Mother’s loss of a child.

The next morning a medical news article stared me in the face – topic blood types.

Curious??

Yes of course I became anxious to learn which blood type found thru studies performed

may lower risk of severity or worse in the current health crisis.

The answer was RH negative, the alien DNA which only 15% of the population

worldwide (of which I’m one) possess = a minority in classes of blood factors.

Countless times the word ‘may’ appeared throughout this article which I did

read in its entirety.

Percentage of immunity??

Comforting words – I think not.

Wonderful I’d been reminded of another loss – a son taken from me before birth

year 1969 due to this blood factor.

Tears flowed..

I wondered how much more of these horrendous memories triggered by words

written I shall have to endure in this lifetime.

The reality is 100% cruel punishment as I recalled the before, during and aftermath

of giving birth to a stillborn son who’d passed two weeks prior to delivery.

My shoulders once strong from weightlifting are slowing weakening a combo of

lack of anaerobic exercise and emotional stress.

I tell myself ‘never give up’ – I read all those nice affirmations and inspirational quotes.

Reality – going it alone in Golden years ‘sucks’.

The past two days I’ve had no choice other than tend to errands – need of nourishment

and medicines.

Yesterday afternoon I finished reading the second psychological thriller novel by the

same author.

Today I took a long nap.


Now what on earth does all the above relate to?

Today while driving from one location to another, the country music station announcer

stated it was ‘National Grammar Day’.

I checked online and ‘yes’ March 4th is the designated day for grammar.

Uumm what about the word ‘may’ that appeared countless times in that article.

Turns out it’s a modal verb that’s used in conjunction with a main verb to

express possibility thereof.

Overwhelmed at this time, I ‘may’ decide to change from my former goal

and write about romantic fantasy.

After all the mind can wander to unknown places and dabbling in fiction

might be fun.

Forget-Me-Nots

This flower was one of several I chose to plant at my daughter’s

gravesite 25 years ago.

To me it symbolized a connection that lasts thru time, true and

undying love for a daughter whose life was taken way too soon.

Time passed; however, the ache of losing her still remains.

A parent’s nightmare!!

Germans coined the name of this flower and there’s a few myths

floating the hemisphere addressing its floral beauty.

One lovers’ myth, although quite sad, warmed my heart.

It read of two lovers walking the Danube River, spotting the bright

blue blossoms, the man’s desire to fetch some of these delicate

petite blue flowers with petals resembling the shape of a mouse’s ear

(cute tidbit of info) for the lady when suddenly swept up by the river.

As he was floating away at a distance he spoke the words to her

to ‘not forget him’.

Romantic!!

If someone asked me why I was writing this post the honest answer

would be, “I have no idea“.

Today isn’t one of those special days, the more painful ones

experienced by a Mother who has lost a child.

Thinking to myself perhaps the answer lies in an event that transpired

earlier today.

This morn’s social media journey was different as I chose to bypass

articles on my homepage’s slideshow.

Rather I headed over here to WordPress and read some truly

inspirational posts – a great start to a sunny, blustery day.

Before I shut down I accessed Facebook to tend to the garden I created

11 years and 5 months ago in memory of my daughter known to some

as TuffiMcGuffi.

In recent weeks the Fairyland app had been under maintenance.

Today it wasn’t listed on the sidebar and I couldn’t find a way to

access it.

Wonderful!!

Another creation taken from me without warning.

Needless to say although I shut the computer off and figured I’d wait

awhile to check back, my mood changed dramatically.






March 1st Mindset: Game Over

After reading eulogies on social media of two different men whom I know for fact

were underserving of positive statements written, I wondered if I had the the wrong

concept with regard to life or somehow had turned into a ‘Negative Nancy’.

I refrained from comment with a like, care and certainly not a love emoji. Rather I

bypassed the post and offered up no reply.

After all common sense to me is not build up the character of a man who left a

loving wife with four children, fled to the opposite side of the country, remarried,

started another family yet offered up not one cent for those four children nor the wife

left behind.

My memory storage bank still contains countless flashbacks of many difficult

days the woman endured fending for herself at such a young age

before a much younger man entered her life and helped raise those

children. In my opinion he was more deserving of the praise.

Talk about degrees of forgiveness!!

I thought – wow it’s fine to do ‘whatever’ and be remembered in

such a good light by two of four children you never met only recently

through FaceTime.

This is but one incident this past week that boggled my mind.

Curious, I looked up the definition of ‘Negative Nancy’ and found the

following warning signs:

  1. Constantly worrying – yes I worry a lot; however, I don’t think
    it’s overdone.

  2. World’s great pessimist – no since I offer up lots of support and positive
    compliments to family members, friends and virtual friends
    .
  3. Tendency to be oversensitive – ‘yes’ and have already learned
    behavioral patterns to combat those feelings
    .

4. You don’t go outside your comfort zone – not true since I’m open
to trying new hobbies – traveling alone (dislike – no choice).

5. Dwell on the past – years of family history in making don’t up and
disappear. Chasing out intrusive thoughts daily is tiresome though.

6. Trouble maintaining healthy relationships – that’s a tricky one to
address since each person’s mindset is quite different.


7. Not excited about the future – well when so much has been far
removed from your life, although you weren’t responsible for the
actions of others, it can be difficult to plan ahead taking into
consideration the age factor.


8. Frequently judge others – not exactly – rather listen, observe
and keep opinions to myself.


9. Don’t accept a compliment.
For years I’d always say ‘Thank you’ followed by ‘but’. I changed
as I aged and accept compliments freely.

10. Focus on problems – not solutions – doubtful since I’m constantly
in search of remedies (not always medical ones).


Overall I realize I’m far from Ms. Perfect and people can form their
own opinion(s) (good or not-so-good). It’s me who has to be happy with
herself.


Currently I’ve learned to treat people the same way they treat me – a
blessing in disguise
for me.