Alcoholism – Effects on Innocents

Alcoholism – a dependence syndrome touched my life from birth until recent times.

My father was a full-blown alcoholic (a man I loved in spite of his addiction). His

days started with his house painting job and ended when the corner bar closed.

For certain this had a multitude of negative effects on my life, from living

arrangements to bullied by classmates for wearing another girl’s hand-me down clothes.

The supposed friend boasted daily about her clothing now being worn by one far

less fortunate, me.

Yes, it’s quite interesting what the mind remembers from years ago.

In my teen years at parties I’d watched my Cape Verdean boyfriend consume booze

until he actually became physically sick. I couldn’t figure out the connection as why

a fairly smart handsome young man would participate in such an activity.

I was one of the few ‘bystanders’ at parties – no way – no thanks – upchucking was

definitely not for me.

Years later I married a man whose family owned two bars. On Friday nights he’d

bartender at one for extra income. He knew better than drink all the freebies

the patrons purchased for him; he was really good at pretend and placed the cash

in a jar.

Time marched on and urban development took the bars and a new adventure

on the scene, a kitchen and lounge. For a few years weekends I waitressed the

kitchen side along with my oldest daughter. I was the nominee due to age factor

venturing over to the lounge whenever a customer requested an alcoholic

beverage.

Did I ever consume alcohol? Yes, three glasses of mixed sweet beverages

to keep hydrated throughout so many Saturday nights, a sip here ‘n there

and right back out on the dance floor.

My marital home contained a good-sized liquor cabinet; however I’m

thankful I never had the desire to indulge in other than the occasional

glass of wine served with dinner and iced cold beer (disliked taste) at

family barbecues.

Perhaps it was my outlook on life ‘don’t want my family to experience

my youth’ since a high percentage follow in their parent(s) footsteps.

This disease as it’s referred has touched many members of my former

family and sad to learn details of each one’s battle and how their life

crumbled as refusal help leaves little loved ones can do for them.

A little twist here – a man from my hometown I met on a dating site.

The first evening we dined out I noticed his glassy eyes only thought

little of them since it was winter and quite cold outdoors. With his

dinner he ordered a beer then another. I dated him on and off for

a period of three years (platonic dates since via his own words I

was a nice woman and he a player).

He suffered from OCD and issues with anxiety thus kept his dates

fairly local. Eventually he told me his story over a three-hour Chinese

meal. He drank due to the loss of his mother at a young age. I

encouraged him to seek help; however my attempts were in vain

One day I plain tired of his games, we parted ways and no

longer communicate via phone nor e-mail messages.

Done!

There’s a valid reason for my writing this post today. A few

months ago I interacted with someone from the creator app my

family has been working for near four years.

The man’s lip synching evoked emotions within me, a gal who’d

pretty much managed to numb out her feelings on life in general.

We became virtual friends and he shared parts of his life, his

treatment and the mechanisms of day-to-day life and the

12-step journey.

I researched a bit and tried my best to let him know how

valuable life is and share with him how at times we all suffer

from degrees of depression.

Then without warning he chose to shut me out – OUCH. My

beautiful inspirational quotes were delivered, perhaps he did

read them only the messenger app’s gray check with a white

tick alerted me to the fact I was being ignored.

This was the end of another journey for me and like before

in the end it was I who’d experience anguish at the loss of a friend.

I’ve vowed never to repeat this pattern again unless the person

with the problem is an actual ‘immediate’ family member.

I’d been warned, I didn’t listen and even at this late stage in

life the wrath of rejection following good deeds is quite hurtful.

19 thoughts on “Alcoholism – Effects on Innocents

  1. I wore hand me downs from my sister, but my first year at grammar school overlapped her last, so it was second hand summer dresses and blazer for me.
    I’m not a drinker and had a lucky escape in my teens, cancelling the engagement when I found out he was drinking a bottle and a half of scotch a day. However, I ended up living with a drinker for almost 8 years, and his drink driving nearly killed us. I never let him drive me anywhere after that.
    When we separated, he expected me to let him use my share of the equity in the sale of our house in a business venture with his new girlfriend. I refused, but he went ahead another way and half bought a pub raising money from her house, and paying the seller rent on the other half pending the sale of our property. Karma hit big time and she ran off with one of the regulars after a couple of months leaving him to run the place on his own. No head for business and spent everything, he had a burst water pipe in the winter and no insurance. So, no partner, no pub, no income. Shame.
    Eventually our house was sold after two years, we both lost thousands as the property market crashed, but I got a decent pay out and cleared all my debts. Not so him. He was about thirty grand short as he had to pay the ex girlfriend too, so he declared himself bankrupt. All my fault of course…. not.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow Di – We both number-crunchers via employment choice have so much in common (good business sense). It’s amazing when one becomes a bit cathartic with their writing to learn of friends who’ve had similar experiences within their lives. Karma comes into play quite often and the person responsible for hurting others finds him or herself the recipient. It’s amazing how the good soul is often looked upon as source of blame. I think many (especially family members) refuse to admit rather choose to defend the actions than hold the individual responsible. Rest assured their paths were in ‘no way’ our fault (their choices).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes Di, we do share quite a bit of similarities within our lives. I’m just starting my day. It’s nearing 7:00 a.m. – sun is shining and temperatures now low 60s to hit high 70s. A great day for an early morn walk. πŸ™‚

        Like

      2. Midday here, so you’re five hours behind us.
        I miss taking Maggie for a walk, and although we kept them up after we lost her, Hubby’s mobility has been terrible these past couple of months and just when we thought he was making such good progress, he’s twisted his knee . We overdid it yesterday so a quiet day or three after shower screen installation!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes, there’s a time differential. πŸ™‚ I understand how much you miss Maggie; she was like a child to you. Sorry to read rather sad news about your husband. Day-to-day we never know what’s ahead for us. Ageism sucks!!

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      4. Hi June.
        Today is a good day, we both slept well, and Hubby says he has no pain so that’s a plus. Not pushing it though!!
        Yes, Maggie was our baby, and although I’ve always had a dog in my life, she was a part of our lives for the longest time. She was nearly 16 and we had her from a pup.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Hi Di…I apologize for delay in reply. I often spend a short period of time on WP then sign off. In the interim here my cable provider was performing maintenance thus wi-fi down (off & on) which adds to frustration for those who want to accomplish anything online. I took down the words for SoCS then disconnected. I hear you with regards to Maggie – 16 years is a long time. If I could have one wish in life it would be for humans to be spared pain and suffering. The 25th is the anniversary of my oldest daughter’s crossing over 26 years ago. I experience an array of emotions each year prior to that date and somehow my trying to help the man in recovery which ended on a sour note added layers to them. In spite of what others claim the only people who understand us is those who have walked the same path / taken a similar journey. Keep your chin up my friend and remember Maggie as often as you wish. Beautiful memories translate to actual Love!!

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  2. I’m sorry June that these people in your life had this problem. It is just like a disease and the person loses track of their actions and emotions. Take care my friend. You did try to help. You did good.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sadje…Thanks for your feedback. Who said life would be easy? πŸ™‚ An understatement! I’ve done my best throughout my life to combat so much and realize you plain can’t fix it all nor should you be expected either. Yes, I tried. Sadly people with addictions run hot and cold. The Urban dictionary has a vocabulary for these poor lost souls. I was told to concentrate on myself (good advice). πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So true Sadje. I think some of us are inbred with kindness and genuinely wish to help those less fortunate. I’ve learned my lesson for the last time. It’s not my job to fix another rather concentrate on taking care of myself throughout this last chapter.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for you kind feedback. I’ve played many roles in my tenure of life and sadly learned a valuable lesson the past month. If someone shuts you out void of explanation yes, it hurts for awhile. I can’t fix this problem then best I concentrate on taking care of my own self.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It does hurt, but thinking about it right now, I’m reminded of my favorite quote by Maya Angelou; “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time”, always puts such predicaments in perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

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