Why Am I Here?? I Ask Myself

Today’s submission highlights another numerical square of October’s calendar page. (check)

Recently I received a notification, an anniversary celebration 4 (four) years blogging.


Sadly the followers count appears to place me in the ‘not so popular’ rank / category.

I’ve done my best while dealing with a vast amount of negative circumstances – most

which I chose not to share – as personal info I consider to be private.

I believe we all like to feel we belong somewhere in this vast world only right


now I’m numb.

Every time I join a group the majority of others have a significant other on whom they


can rely.

Since I’m human I can’t help but wonder ’bout all those ‘whys’ with no valid answers.

I feel the need to rethink this goal a bit and decide either to pursue / continue or

quit / give up.

To those bloggers who interact with me and leave nice comments I say ‘Thank you’.

Okay I guess my thoughts are now headed for Blogosphere.

I face the decision to return tomorrow or leave the world of writing over here.












World Mental Health Day – 2020

What's wrong??

Genetics 'n circumstances
Resulted in GAD diagnosis  
A daily force to reckon with 
No, I didn't ask for 'emphasis'

Fourteen years psychotherapy
Ne'er erase true past events
Leavings years of faithfulness
Still incapable if e'er circumvent

This morning's start was accompanied by a strange sensation foreign to me.
A state of extreme calmness left me wondering what's ahead - like little
mattered anymore.

I accessed Facebook and read two posts = sad medical situations written
by friends of friends.

Reaction??
Numb to it all 

I guess the one word 'support' something lacking within my personal life at
the present time has impacted me somehow. 

I feel like a weed - no more flower. Faced with my own medical issues to be
addressed next week I felt no desire to place usual encouraging words. 

Over a period of time I've joined groups, shared info and interacted with 
numerous members, people who've experienced similar hardships, people 
who actually understand. 

What happened to my compassion and empathy for others?? 

Could it be I'm having a bad day?? 

Who knew it was World Mental Health Day??

I discovered first thru a post that appeared in the Reader then I
followed up with a double-check on the internet and 'yes' tis true.





 

The Monday Peeve 5

“To Thine Own Self Be True” ~ quote coined by William Shakespeare.

Self-question:  Should I vent or should I dismiss person’s actions?

The decision made = do both.

I’ve found blogging to be fun, interesting, educational and therapeutic.

Today’s vent:

An individual put out a request for participants. I sent said person an e-mail.

Based on the contents of my blog I found a reply message declining my offer to come 

onboard.

I was fine with the non-acceptance – it takes more than rejection to cause me distress.

Everyone who blogs doesn’t wish to tell the blogosphere world intimate sordid details. 

Sensationalism may gain more followers only that certainly was no goal of mine.

Moving on to what irked me was when I read a later post from same individual with

a new request based on shared words.

My closing thoughts:

One may take courses related to certain problems, read books on self-improvement yet

only another who has walked in same or similar shoes knows the real pain.

Each of us is unique and how we choose to handle whatever life dishes out is our

choice.

Please take a reminder for WP future post

https://lightmotifs.wordpress.com/2019/10/14/the-monday-peeve-5/

 

 

 

 

Prepping for NaNoWriMo 2019

“Mon Ami Jacque”

Last year I was hopeful to bring a novel to fruition. 

Fifty thousands words written in 30 days didn’t sound difficult. 

After writing turned from reality I became aware that fiction was not my forte.

I printed out all the typed pages and placed them in a 3-ring binder along with

notes. 

November is fast approaching and I thought – hey – give this a second attempt.

With some fresh ideas and renewed excitement I made the decision – brand new synopsis.

In the interim (November 1st – 30th) I shall likely refrain from posting daily on here. 

I don’t intend to disappear 100% (LOL) rather check in with my ‘favs’ – write a bit (a Wordle and a Square Poem) to name a few ideas and read more. 

Your blogging friend. . . June

 

Thoughts on IMO a Literary Smorgasbord

Sudden start of my good faith blogging journey dismay:

Morning reader overflowing with prompts not a real problem since I pick and choose from them. 

Those special awards to same favorites – yes = bothersome. 

My follower count now at ‘304’ are all organic – earned them – didn’t purchase any. 

If each person who liked a post of mine the past two years had selected to follow me the count would have been in the thousands.

I try hard not to be a perfectionist – Type A personality. 

What I find a bit disappointing is what I consider to be a  clique – those who somehow
share comments with certain bloggers while a like or a Thank you is sufficient for others. 

I understand we reside in a busy world – a world where technology seems to have created more work (especially paperwork) rather than less. 

As I read numerous blogs I’ve noticed many writers who submit articles are married or young adults with less responsibilities.

No idea if anyone who reads this has ever felt nauseous at the sight of another post
from the same person. I sure wish I was typing this on the cell phone – could use the
proper emoji for that feeling.

A surprise to me is when I read interesting well-written posts by bloggers with only a handful of  followers, few or no likes and void of comments. I take a few moments of precious time to leave a nice comment and in return I’ve received some beautiful replies.

At this time I’m a bit uncertain of what lies ahead for my future in blogosphere.

I won’t apologize for my persona – a fairly private person who pens her pain thru
poems while leaving out the sordid details. 

If I disappear for a period of time (on hiatus) I’ll be catching up on my reading
and craft projects.

Although I enjoy writing I’m finding perhaps it comes with a price I can’t afford to pay.

Sad to admit: “This one person in charge of everything has become a wee bit tired of late.” 

Wow! I think I just wrote my first ever vent with regard to blogging. 



 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear . . .

A memory lane story:

Sipping coffee a friend sat opposite me at my kitchen table.
Reason for her visit was potential sale set of encyclopedias.
An expensive purchase void spouse consult near found me amid divorce.
Imagine!!

During my friend's visit we chatted 'bout lots of topics. 
There is one statement she made 30 years ago and no idea reason.
She said, "There is a fine line one crosses from sanity to insanity."
Wow!! 

Lots of negatives happened since then - who would believe if I tell?
Lesson learned thru years is 'few' truly care.
It's my destiny and all future decisions and endeavors mine to make.
Sad!!

I miss the old me * the fun me * the gal open to opportunities.
If I continue to hold onto the sordid past they win and I lose.
The road to WELLNESS leaves me the task of burying the past forever.
New Beginnings!!
acceptance of what was - it's so over - year passed (2)