Revelation

Today's prompt be rather powerful
Incorporate boundary personal world

By virtue of 'crystal clear consolations'
Utterance loved one's excellent affirmations

Ruination overshadow beautiful yesterdays
Flat refusal further down road opportunities

Declutter, eradicate concentrated visionaries
Exterminate, destruct overwhelming memories 

Comfort knowledge retain persona self-respect
Mixed feelings admission degree be lowlife met

Written off friendship forevermore non-exist
Categorize in perpetuity non-entity persists.

© 2018 June Quintin

Writing prompt: crystal clear consolations

https://puttingmyfeetinthedirt.com/2018/05/06/may-writing-prompts/ 

Adios!

Morning social media conversation 'Hi'
Forbidden one certain quite surprise

Exchange details Karma laughable cite
Age preferential genuine remain polite

Humiliation feelings thankful overcome
Transformation healthy self-esteem done

Laughable extend best wishes younger gal
Old flame of mine appear groom you well

Unbelievable whene'er he not be with thee
Entertain thoughts other women wanna see

Cycle one hundred percent perfect clear me
Player in disguise from whom glad thou free

Amazement outsider's view disgust apparent
Imagine adult child watch o'er single parent

New release one moved on versus one remain stuck
Awesome feelings fare better area true love luck.

© 2018 June Quintin
  

Gals Just Wanna Have Fun

Divorcee journey began 2010
TV advertisement suggestion
Process collection various indiscretions
Read, listen and learn
Accumulation misrepresentations
Bad-ass teen-age boy equivalent
Bat-crap retiree crazy prevalent
Church-goer claimer
Family portrait charmer
Outright liar
Psychological harmer
Two-for-one scammer
Fairness to others dated
Gal treated total respect
Smiles, laughs and intellectual conversation
Wondered ever find Mr. Perfect for me
No longer try
Kiss online dating 'good-bye'
When least expected 
Surprise awaits
Magically all fell into place
Frequently write words thru lyrics
Gals wanna have fun soon finds success
A man with integrity 
No ruthless character
Met all requirements set for self
One wish naught make my life difficult. 
 

Enlightenment

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart – an eye opener for online daters looking for an exclusive long-term relationship.

Although far from impossible to interact with a potential new partner who shares similar interests on a dating site, it’s quite time-consuming to complete the discovery process.

Me, I’m a bit of a wallflower, shy and reserved. I refuse to apologize for being myself. You either like me or move on. If I don’t find you of interest, I politely wish you well on your journey.

A huge dissatisfaction I experienced with online dating was dishonesty by misrepresentation. I basically was in search of an age-appropriate male who resided fairly local and enjoyed the simple joys of life.

I wasn’t impressed by a show of motorcycles, boats or other material items acquired previously. Neither was I in search of a home nor bank account.

To any man who had children onboard I vowed to be no more than a friend to his kids and not step across the line to discipline them. I knew my place.

New beginnings can be quite awkward and one should never underestimate the importance of communication.

A person can learn so much positive and negative about another merely via a few messages or phone conversations.

Unfortunately for me two potential candidates for a written success story of a future together down the road turned sour.

I did quite a bit of soul searching only to find lo and behold I was neither the culprit nor deal-breaker.  I suppose this positive realization should’ve brought me comfort and peace of mind. Thinking back it left me for a brief period in quite a bewildered state. This passed with time.

Refusing to become discouraged, I chose to take a hiatus, master the art of letting go of chasing dreams via Internet and focus on new creations.

One of this morning’s posts in my newsfeed revealed a beautiful Lotus flower. I couldn’t resist doing a little research on it. It’s most important meaning was its’ representation of ‘rebirth’.

“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.” – a quote from Buddha

Enlightenment.

 

 

 

 

 

Grief Process Revelation

Twenty-two years ago I said a final ‘Good-bye’ to my 28-year old daughter. Five years later my 35-year marriage ended in divorce. In order to heal I had to process these major losses.

I experienced all five stages of grief, working through them and on occasion found myself re-visiting a few. Time doesn’t exactly heal the wounds, rather you learn to live without those you love and your life changes forever.

This year I met a man I thought ‘perhaps’ would fill the void since we appeared quite compatible. Although selective I’d made a wrong choice.

Our short-term relationship dissolved Memorial Day weekend. The smiling, bubbly gal became the quiet, reserved woman amidst friends and acquaintances similar to years ago.

I had no idea I’d be experiencing grief again.  A little research revealed that with each loss the hurt can become worse and thus the reason I sank into a mild depression.

He wanted to remain on a friendship basis with me only I felt if I wasn’t good enough to date anymore then I’d best refrain from any form of contact especially since he made it perfectly clear no chance we’d ever be a couple again in the future.

And thus I went from denial to anger to bargaining. Following came the depression and now I can honestly say, “I’m over him.”

I vow no more chasing dreams via online dating. It’s perfectly okay to be single status. Will I date? Yes. Moving on in the world of blogging with new topics that fill my heart with joy.  Adios relationship complications!

 

 

Relationships in Cyberspace

Each day I see different articles with regard to pros and cons of online dating.

This morning’s read was accompanied by a nice slideshow which I chose to take the time to view.

The majority of the information I was already aware of via personal experience with dating sites.

Over a period of months I’d read various dating guidelines and similar to the ebb and flow of the tide potentials entered my life and left.

I remember how TV commercials and media advertisements held such promise.

A passing thought: I wonder if these sites post current statistics of the percentage of members versus actual match success stories.

Overall, I far from consider this to be one of the more positive experiences during my lifetime.

Rather I liken it more to a waste of precious valuable time. It’s far from easy to secure a date on an intellectual level.

Today’s dating game is one with rules for certain and best you educate yourself on how to deal with players and weirdos.

Men shared their not-so-pleasant stories about experiences with women thus feelings of disappointment are mutual on both sides of the spectrum, both male and female.

Personally, I grew tired of the constant flirts from the same men and their one line messages.

Was I searching for perfection? Not at all.

Where is my prince charming? Obviously he doesn’t exist in cyberspace.

For now I shall opt out and search for another venue in hope of finding a sane, honest and fun-loving man who appreciates the values of a good woman.

21st Century Challenge

To date I managed to attain all goals set for myself during my tenure of life. My resume would read ‘three’ pages in length not counting the references.

I’ve faced the death of two children, divorce after a long-term marriage combined with a ton of deceit. So what could be so challenging in this century – a brand new man is the answer. I’d hoped to spend the last short chapter of life’s journey sharing common interests with him void of a real commitment.

No, I’m not marriage material. I don’t wish to go down that road ever again. I merely wanted an exclusive relationship, mutual respect and of course love mixed into the equation.

I ponder the thought: ‘Is a relationship this easy so complicated for a man.’

Four months into bliss ends due to lack of one word ‘communication’. Unbelievable!

I chose to focus on his positives and dealt with his negatives and never gave up hope for us. Research, enlightenment and non-aggression all in play here yet he bails via a text.

Trying to make sense of such behavioral pattern I reflect back on time together and time apart. We liked each other. No question nor qualms there. We enjoyed each other’s company and we gave each other space for our own personal friends, families and hobbies.

So it’s over or crossing back to friends which is rather difficult. In my mind I think: ‘If I were a man I’d have been thankful to have found a near-perfect match and tried to keep her in my life especially since she was so understanding and not making a multitude of demands.’

 

 

 

 

When Tempers Flare

The messenger app dings. I dismiss it for the moment. My daughter, a hair stylist, is finishing up braiding my blonde hair for tonight’s date. I consider myself a creative creature, young for my age and enjoy surprising my man. Today I’ve opted for a bit of the country look.

Top stylists demand pricey fees for up-to-date procedures. My daughter stays informed on what’s new in fashionista.  I’m fortunate to get a huge reduction since I merely offer up price of product plus a tip which she often tells me to keep for myself. It’s nice to have a grateful daughter who realizes it was Mom who once did all the fashion braids on her hair back in the late 80s.

A touch of entitlement accompanied with appreciation for services rendered – Thank you!

She and I live less than 5 minutes away in distance so I choose to wait until back home to retrieve all messages. I look at the cell phone screen and see my current boyfriend’s profile name. His message starts with my name (quite touching) followed by “I won’t be able to make it tonight”.

I’m dumbfounded at this point. A few hours earlier on social network he messaged me with an arrival time.

Usually it’s better to play the ‘wait and see’ card only I’m somewhat beyond angry at this point since I had plans and he via text destroyed them.

I’ve been more than understanding with him during the past few months. This is the final straw. You pal pushed my Irish tyranny button. I’ll have the last say and you won’t like what I type at you.

OMG I’m 70 years in age acting like a teenager in a totally non-adult manner. I wonder how do adults my age react when faced with being stood up without a reason.

I text my daughter. She tells me, “Ma, don’t do anything stupid.” Oops! Too late. I already sent the reply text and social network won’t allow me to delete the message.

For every action there’s always a reaction and I know in my heart his hardheadedness will not allow me back into his life.

This is where I erred allowing my Irish temper to be in the driver’s seat and take a wrong turn. I shall live to regret this directional signal.

Back to single status with yet another lesson learned under my belt – cool off, rethink then react.

 

 

 

 

Relief Versus Sadness

The norm for me is practice the ‘silence is golden’ method in a relationship filled with baggage. It’s a simple pattern of MYOB with minimal enlightenment.

Typing the brief polite farewell text was easy since I was livid at the time. He cancelled our plans without offering up a real explanation other than hoping I’d understand. Really? Understand what? You think I’m psychic.

Press the send button and there’s no turning back. I think. I ponder. I follow thru. Instant relief overcomes me only I’m not prepared for the sadness ahead. My decision was the final curtain to end a relationship with no future where he was always in the driver’s seat and I the passenger at his mercy.

Reflecting on our brief time together I was constantly there for him. I encouraged him. I stroked his ego when he was into self-blame. I allowed him his space. Although not asked I utilized precious time researching the life of an addict and how it affects the family dynamics.

Slowly though it became clearly evident he had less and less time for me thus I had to face the realization of what an addict does to himself and his family members. My man is an enabler and grows weary early on of his son’s demands for cash. I watch in bewilderment.

His hardheadedness is worse than the Zodiac sign ‘Taurus the Bull’. He knows he’s an enabler yet he’s so fearful of his kid’s safety he forks over hundreds of dollars of hard-earned cash on a monthly basis.

Wake-up to reality I think. You aren’t helping your child. The stack of lies he’s fed you far exceeds the height of some of the world’s tallest skyscrapers. How can you be so naïve?  I can’t say even a ‘boo’ since this is not my child nor my problem.

Sadly I see a whole different picture than you. Until your kid seeks treatment, winds up behind bars or worse he will make your life a living hell, drain your wallet, your savings and possibly have an adverse affect on your health.

I can emphasize with your problems only I can’t honestly say I’d know how to handle a similar situation would one of my children fall victim to the world of drugs. I prefer to think I’d practice tough love which is the hardest form of love.

Two days later the tears flow. I’ll be okay I tell myself. It’s better to curb a relationship in the bud than waste precious time until my endurance for the words ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘hope you understand’ reach the extremes .

 

 

Falling in Love – New Beginning

Dating sites suggest women don’t be shy so eight months ago I found the nerve to click on the profile of a man a little younger than I and send him a ‘friendly hello’.

He lives approximately 30 minutes away in distance and his profile states he’s in search of a woman with whom to live out the last chapter of life. I think ‘great’. We both, in our sixties, desire a monogamous relationship.

Our journey begins with a few e-mail exchanges. He, a blue collar worker, prefers to talk via phone so I give him my number. Our conversations are a bit lengthy and there are no ‘red flags’ thus I agree to a coffee date.

Sunday afternoon rolls around and I begin to prepare for my face-to-face meet with him. My stomach churns. I experience the butterfly effect.

I hop into my SUV and proceed via the backroads counting backwards during the 30 minute drive. What has overcome me I ask myself. Normally dates meet me in my hometown.

I pull up to our agreed upon destination. He’s sitting in his dark green Ford 150 pickup truck. The close up view reveals to me the face of a somewhat older man compared to his profile pic.

Together we proceed inside. As he orders and waits in line, I select a window booth.  Sipping our coffee long after consuming our muffins we converse and share so much laughter.  To myself I think ‘he likes me’.

An hour passed quickly. Misbehaving children in close proximity to us now become bothersome to him. He’s a smoker and albeit the lack of a few drags contributes to his uncomfortableness.

Outside the establishment we continue chatting away until eventually I make the decision to head back home. Before I leave he asks me for another date. I agree.

Travelling outside my comfort zone to meet him has been well worth every minute of the two-way drive.