Past Tired of Negatives

A few weeks ago I made a promise to myself to write ‘positive’ posts as people

either enjoy drama, disagree or flee from the follower count community.

I even gave my new project a title ‘Tapestry of My Life’ and then as usual

since walking from a relationship that drained my savings account ‘problems.

Perhaps in 2010 I wasn’t thinking thru the impulsive move that would soon

find me face-to-face with unbelievable dire effects void of actual solutions and

assistance.

Eleven years together and now we were arguing on a daily basis.

I wanted to escape.

I wanted to secure a residence.

The downfall in the economic situation led to my long term partner’s

sudden unemployment.

Our home was headed for foreclosure.

He frowned on working more local for one half his salary.

Although I understood the principle behind his thinking pattern, I had

no clue he was suffering from depression.

Rather I attributed his actions or inaction to lack of common sense as

to me some income was better than none.

I moved alright – from the frying pan into the fire!

Sadly, I regret the only impulsive decision I ever made (if correct) in

my entire life.

There’s a lesson here: “Give plenty of thought to what’s happening around

you, the future down the road and those who claim they’ll be there for you.”

I accessed my blog earlier to 1. participate in a prompt challenge and 2. to

share about when, how, with whom I started my ‘creative’ journey only my

thoughts took a 360 degree turn when noises arose from my kitchen sink.

No forewarning, no notifications of scheduled maintenance – basically no

clues unless one contacts the office with questions.

The downside of tenancy in an apartment complex from which the

likelihood of securing future residence appears to be next to nil at this time..

Too Much To Learn

Four years ago when I started my blog I took the suggestion to connect

it to several branches of social media as this method was said to gain

more followers and better overall exposure.

This scenario didn’t happen – number of faithful followers grew

slowly and truth ‘yes’ I found it quite disappointing.

I wasn’t about to purchase followers as to me that’s a cheater’s way

of getting ahead.

The constant changes, the stored passwords disappearances, plus

weekly laptop and cell phone updates became a source of distress.

I thought about quitting blogging period.

In January to my dismay a challenge I participated in prior years

changed its format. Thoroughly disinterested I chose not to

commit myself.

I wondered if I’d ever return to this hobby and then I learned

of a local gal with two published poetry books experiencing

the same lack of interest in daily writing as I.

Phew! A sign of relief for me.

Reflections on my life’s tenure show a gal who despite some rather

terrible odds chose to continue to forge ahead.

I’ve never been a quitter only too much to learn

and lacking assistance became a bit overwhelming.

Time for a hiatus!

Did this former perfectionist self-sabotage her achievements

when about to reach a higher degree of success or

did she sadly become an emotional victim to the worldwide

predicaments beyond her control.

Those who suffer from depression still wear a smile most days.

I’ll know more once I chit-chat with my primary doctor next

week on a Zoom-type connection.

Now for a little questionnaire:

My score ranks quite low – laughable since folks state how you should

refrain from the word ‘never’.

Country gals (I’m one) don’t share these interests rather am happy

NOT being superficial.

I asked myself if I should’ve done this / that and the honest

answer is ‘NO’.

Why Am I Here?? I Ask Myself

Today’s submission highlights another numerical square of October’s calendar page. (check)

Recently I received a notification, an anniversary celebration 4 (four) years blogging.


Sadly the followers count appears to place me in the ‘not so popular’ rank / category.

I’ve done my best while dealing with a vast amount of negative circumstances – most

which I chose not to share – as personal info I consider to be private.

I believe we all like to feel we belong somewhere in this vast world only right


now I’m numb.

Every time I join a group the majority of others have a significant other on whom they


can rely.

Since I’m human I can’t help but wonder ’bout all those ‘whys’ with no valid answers.

I feel the need to rethink this goal a bit and decide either to pursue / continue or

quit / give up.

To those bloggers who interact with me and leave nice comments I say ‘Thank you’.

Okay I guess my thoughts are now headed for Blogosphere.

I face the decision to return tomorrow or leave the world of writing over here.












SoCS: October 3rd ’20

Today’s prompt: new / old

New incoming notifications this morn viewed
Requests similar same old – scarcely any new

Beyond tired last month’s company’s methods
Thoughts directly passed east to west thru head

Aware reaction best what-to-do prioritize
Short list imperatives thou proceed devise

Decision leave fresh start brand new outlook
Chose hour indulge read pages selected book


Participation exercise help old physique shrink

Bit later in day writing while still capable think

Process save ‘n some deletion near three years work
Polite farewell old woman no wish continue road driven berserk

https://lindaghill.com/2020/10/02/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs/







Prayer – Religion – Over the Years

These days I rarely utilize my computer during evening hours.

I’ve grown tired of all the hype and fear instilled within thanks to social media.

The news app on my cell phone constantly dings with near 100 percent negative

articles.

Windows 10 updated and ‘Hello’ a new challenge with more decision-making

ahead.

This morn I downloaded a pic of a beautiful crocheted granny square only

to discover hours later I’m unable to proceed as ‘I wish’.

It’s evident I’m in control of zilch at this point until I piece together yet

another puzzle.

I’ve come to the conclusion life known ‘n created now phase non-existence.

I don’t understand!! 

Little makes sense anymore.

I ponder thoughts:

Better to safeguard wholesome feelings still within ‘heart’

Settle ‘good try’ leave incomplete unfulfilled dream ‘depart’

Seek new direction versus continue move forward ‘restart’

Mirror reflections tenure life ne’er consider self be ‘quitter’

Troublesome times worldwide persona creation ’embitter’

Conclusion – pen words persevere forward personal ‘transmitter’

As a reader you may wonder how the contents of this post relate to the title.

The story began with an innocent young girl’s desire to join and participate

in Catechism class.

At registration she was handed a form which required her parents’ permission.

Returning home with much anticipation for the signature to learn Catholicism 

she found herself face-to-face with negativity void of explanation. 

Answer: ‘NO!’

Although she wasn’t allowed to attend weekly CCD class, she proceeded each 

week to dress in her Sunday best and attend Mass. 

Who knew??

One day many years later, married with children of her own, she’d be teaching 

religion from her home to young students.

That girl was ‘ME’.

Although life’s circumstances changed in recent years (not for the better), I’ll

continue to maintain my beliefs until I no longer exist here on Earth and can

rest in God’s arms. 

 

 

 

 

Faith and Priorities

Today still uncertain
Best close final curtain

Lord’s messages sent
Interpretations present

Decision address ‘n face
Priorities life misplaced

Whene’er new ideas react
Goal progress sidetracked

Creation last vid clip past weekend
Bid ‘adieu’ thousands virtual friends

Unmarked lit calendar squares near
Allowance time for personal self-care

Thoughts ahead return limited basis
Change niche new journey she embraces

 

 

 

 

 

Social Status and Condescendingness

Advocate social equality
Flaunt ne'er wealth nor e'er
Look down on those less fortunate
Childhood poor and bullied often
Adulthood middle-class standard status
Unfortunate decades later divorce face
Fifty-percent monetary loss period time gain
Add to equation new relationship time vulnerable
Happiness overlook flaws unknown partner trait insidious
Full circle retiree back square one living on fixed income
Decision join local library's book discussion group
Membership quite small pecking order show snub-nose wealth
Shyness persona immediate kick-in listen more than speak
Improvement three months fraternization these ladies then
August's scheduled meeting date fast approach
Mailroom search reminder e-mail found zilch
Check library's event calendar where surprise
Scheduled discussion group August no listing date 
Scrolled pages top to bottom months September 'n October
Book titles different from those previous agreed upon 
Last straw aftermath apology e-mail state missed me
Member's prior attempt contact via e-mail message fail 
Irked already situation try hard not overthink
No reminder - changed books next few months read
Decision made dislike membership in group social hierachy
Ne'er will apologize for unfortunate circumstances befell me
Shame on you who think your wealth better than sincere friendships.

∼ JAQ

FOWC with Fandango — Advocate

Hierarchy – Word of the Day Challenge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing Prompt – Treading Lightly

Shy soft spoken
Tranquility she exudes
Tiptoe thou necessary proceed with caution

Volatileness transitory
Broken-heartedness stone encasement 
Powerful words grandiose opportunities

Serial monogamous subscription people pleaser 
Situational constant aggravation taken by storm
Older woman transform cantankerous non-believer

Who where what when where total questions five
Amid potential partner's conversational content
Answers correct relationship status future decide.

∼ JAQ 
August Writing Prompts 










 

Feeling Similar to a Wallflower at a Dance

Today I did a little research – reviewed statistics and facts. 

Two years submitting blog posts and the occasional hiatus with good reason.

It’s difficult to understand how a person with thousands of fans winds up with only a few likes. How is this possible? 

In my profession this retiree – a full-charge bookkeeper – had to balance the books each month. 

There appears to be something amiss with the numerical figures I witness when accessing blogs.

Humans by nature compare – quality versus quantity.

Although I’ve touched on topics pertaining to my personal life,  I refrain from offering up all the embed details.

Where do I fit in? I ask myself that question.

Not a prude by nature; however, I refuse to write trash.

It’s becoming more apparent (similar to the dating world) the genuine nice man or woman isn’t in demand.

Life hasn’t always been easy and no desire to write about all the dirty laundry – saving that for an actual book.

To those who have befriended me I say “Thank You” – to others well it would have been nice to have known you.  

Maybe the next two years will be different – new content – always hope – remain positive in thought – healthy mind.

I shall sit alone with my thoughts as how to progress – continue blogging – hoping for more interaction and more fans.

The other option is return to my favorite past-time for decades where at the end of the day each step moving forward gave me great satisfaction.

Time is precious! I don’t wish to waste it! – I tried my best! The future awaits! God Bless!