Six Sentence Stories

Prompt: rambunctious

https://girlieontheedge1.wordpress.com/2022/02/13/sundays-six-sentence-story-word-prompt-199/

 

Weary from constant winter storms this morn I decided to embark on a 

picturesque virtual vacation.

To intake views of two French speaking countries, immerse within them

enjoying both culture and spoken language, is to fancy a pipe dream.

An hour past noon and I think perhaps I’m experiencing imaginary jet 

lag. 

Curious to know if such a condition exists, I journeyed over to pay 

Google search engine a short visit.

The results of typing in the following question, “Can a person suffer jet

lag following a virtual vacation?” left me with discovery of ‘social jet lag’,

teenage behavior where a teen stays up way past bedtime and attempts

to recoup lost hours of sleep thru napping the next day.

As I read twice over the list of symptoms, in addition to lack of sleep. the

realization set in AGAIN, opposite of the once rambunctious woman, is 

the gal who suffers from chronic depression.


 

 

 

 

 

 

Self-Love Lists – Good Records

Old folks often experience short-term memory loss.

I’m sure there’s many medical reasons for this pattern.

How strange me, myself and I have no problem

recollecting every detail of events which took place

decades ago; however, without a list I tend somehow

to quickly forget portions of important stuff hence

the need for me to compose a list – make that plural.

Sharing from my journal entries today, I bring you

a Self-assessment list of ways to show myself love.

  1. reading the workbook
  2. completing the written exercises
  3. eating healthier – cooking for one fun
  4. try to get enough rest
  5. participate more in my hobbies
    (I selected seven)

Number ‘seven’ was to limit time on social media.

Old habits are hard to break and although I followed

through even deleting some apps, I still have the

desire – the curiosity to view virtual friends I made

throughout the years and watch inspirational videos.

Today I had to brave a crowded supermarket amid

the current Covid surge since my locale is about to

be hit by a Northeaster starting in the early hours

of Friday morn.

After lunch I accessed my phone and watched some

reels, a video creation on my to-learn list.

One video was about ‘God and Your Call’ and

how he designed me and all aspects of my

life. The inspirational message ended with the

the following: ‘Until you walk into the fullness of

the thing you were created for you’ll be frustrated’,

Wow!!

These words, quite profound, didn’t exactly resonate

with me 100 percent and suddenly I became somber

pondering ‘the whys’.

It would have been wonderful to be born into a loving

family with some wealth.

Would I have been happier? Would I have been

blessed with more opportunities? Who knows?

Born into an extremely poor dysfunctional household,

moving past the negatives to creation of a decent life

only to have it taken away leaving me an emotional

prisoner, who do I thank.

Unfortunately for the viewer, some inspirational

messages can trigger a depressive mood.

I’ve learned to dismiss the intrusive thoughts

and keep the positive ones since all aren’t

exactly relatable to me.

I guess this is progress in my self-love journey.

Quick fact:

Grief isn’t always related to death. A shame more

people don’t understand there are more than 40

life events that cause grief. Lucky me, I’ve

experienced all of them.


The Dreaded Process Xs 2

Three words: decide, commit and repeat

  1. No longer could I live in this manner; it’s unwise and unhealthy.
  2. Reluctantly, I admitted to myself it was time to hire professionals.

30-day challenges ahead:

  1. Social Media Detox
  2. Declutter the apartment
  3. Self-carebudget more time for self

It took me quite awhile to find the proper photo today coupled with toggling
back and forth between block and classic editing. 

Unfortunately, my budgeted computer time is about to expire and from past

experience  I’m fully aware:

I’m on my own to continue to clean up a sordid

life mess. 

Next post I’ll discuss my feelings on Part1 of this long overdue journey.


Fixed incomes don’t appreciate too many out-of-pocket expenses!!

How to Handle Stress in Healthy Ways

When you’re feeling anxious (my case when not) a good idea is to take a time-out.

I’m not exactly certain to what extent this thought will affect me in coming days;

however, I feel the need to try something different.

In with the new – out with the old.

This week I spoke at length long-distance with my oldest granddaughter.

She hasn’t had an easy life since her Mother (my daughter) departed from Earth.

The month of June is tough for us as we experience an array of emotions unknown

and foreign to those who’ve never lost a parent or a child.

An interesting comment she made to me was in regard to ‘positivity toxicity’.

Here for years I’ve been reading self-help books and trying to understand people’s

actions and in the end feeling a bit numb.

Could it be possible that too much of a good thing isn’t exactly the most healthiest

ingredient?

I thought about her words.

Too much sodium isn’t good for high blood pressure patients; too much sugar isn’t

wise for a diabetic.

And I’m beginning to reflect on the possibility that trying to hard, caring too much,

reading and listening to comforting words does little to curb what I’ve been

experiencing on the inside these past years.

Words – words – words!!

Then I Googled ‘Toxic Positivity’ and found that ‘yes’ there is such a belief.

Defined as: an obsession with positive thinking, people should place a positive

spin on all experiences — even those profoundly tragic.

Wow – what an absurd thought pattern.

Alcoholism – Effects on Innocents

Alcoholism – a dependence syndrome touched my life from birth until recent times.

My father was a full-blown alcoholic (a man I loved in spite of his addiction). His

days started with his house painting job and ended when the corner bar closed.

For certain this had a multitude of negative effects on my life, from living

arrangements to bullied by classmates for wearing another girl’s hand-me down clothes.

The supposed friend boasted daily about her clothing now being worn by one far

less fortunate, me.

Yes, it’s quite interesting what the mind remembers from years ago.

In my teen years at parties I’d watched my Cape Verdean boyfriend consume booze

until he actually became physically sick. I couldn’t figure out the connection as why

a fairly smart handsome young man would participate in such an activity.

I was one of the few ‘bystanders’ at parties – no way – no thanks – upchucking was

definitely not for me.

Years later I married a man whose family owned two bars. On Friday nights he’d

bartender at one for extra income. He knew better than drink all the freebies

the patrons purchased for him; he was really good at pretend and placed the cash

in a jar.

Time marched on and urban development took the bars and a new adventure

on the scene, a kitchen and lounge. For a few years weekends I waitressed the

kitchen side along with my oldest daughter. I was the nominee due to age factor

venturing over to the lounge whenever a customer requested an alcoholic

beverage.

Did I ever consume alcohol? Yes, three glasses of mixed sweet beverages

to keep hydrated throughout so many Saturday nights, a sip here ‘n there

and right back out on the dance floor.

My marital home contained a good-sized liquor cabinet; however I’m

thankful I never had the desire to indulge in other than the occasional

glass of wine served with dinner and iced cold beer (disliked taste) at

family barbecues.

Perhaps it was my outlook on life ‘don’t want my family to experience

my youth’ since a high percentage follow in their parent(s) footsteps.

This disease as it’s referred has touched many members of my former

family and sad to learn details of each one’s battle and how their life

crumbled as refusal help leaves little loved ones can do for them.

A little twist here – a man from my hometown I met on a dating site.

The first evening we dined out I noticed his glassy eyes only thought

little of them since it was winter and quite cold outdoors. With his

dinner he ordered a beer then another. I dated him on and off for

a period of three years (platonic dates since via his own words I

was a nice woman and he a player).

He suffered from OCD and issues with anxiety thus kept his dates

fairly local. Eventually he told me his story over a three-hour Chinese

meal. He drank due to the loss of his mother at a young age. I

encouraged him to seek help; however my attempts were in vain

One day I plain tired of his games, we parted ways and no

longer communicate via phone nor e-mail messages.

Done!

There’s a valid reason for my writing this post today. A few

months ago I interacted with someone from the creator app my

family has been working for near four years.

The man’s lip synching evoked emotions within me, a gal who’d

pretty much managed to numb out her feelings on life in general.

We became virtual friends and he shared parts of his life, his

treatment and the mechanisms of day-to-day life and the

12-step journey.

I researched a bit and tried my best to let him know how

valuable life is and share with him how at times we all suffer

from degrees of depression.

Then without warning he chose to shut me out – OUCH. My

beautiful inspirational quotes were delivered, perhaps he did

read them only the messenger app’s gray check with a white

tick alerted me to the fact I was being ignored.

This was the end of another journey for me and like before

in the end it was I who’d experience anguish at the loss of a friend.

I’ve vowed never to repeat this pattern again unless the person

with the problem is an actual ‘immediate’ family member.

I’d been warned, I didn’t listen and even at this late stage in

life the wrath of rejection following good deeds is quite hurtful.

Difficult Times

Unbelievable!!

Sitting before computer feeling numb

Decorated Police Sergeant crossed over

Age 52 battle with Covid-19 succumb

Those left behind now broken-hearted

Grief journey begins mourning departed

A firm believer in the Lord questions


Online she watches funeral procession

For those who actually live with someone

Give thanks no idea feeling nights lonesome

Please don’t complain about caddy stuff

Result older woman possibility high throw up

Those who have lost loved ones understand me


Fact two children reside in Heaven unknowns quickly flee


Lately I wonder why God chose a keep me here plan


Renewed zest for living follow major operation stolen

Prepared emotionally,, spiritually obvious not chosen time

Aftermath prisoner intrusive thoughts spite ne’er commit crime

Down-trodden broken-hearted alone this cruel world daily face

Ask Lord reveal reason why actual timing deceit surface

Anger, bitterness ‘n resentment overwhelm
ed fight depression

Inner struggle desire overcome worse should go route confession

No idea if occasional writing reading between lines posts still therapeutic

Guess best keep quiet refrain reveal truth late stage in life serves no purpose

To divulge dirty secrets cause much personal familial strife
and critique

My cross to bear non-wish others burden thanks to real life reveal composer

Past Tired of Negatives

A few weeks ago I made a promise to myself to write ‘positive’ posts as people

either enjoy drama, disagree or flee from the follower count community.

I even gave my new project a title ‘Tapestry of My Life’ and then as usual

since walking from a relationship that drained my savings account ‘problems.

Perhaps in 2010 I wasn’t thinking thru the impulsive move that would soon

find me face-to-face with unbelievable dire effects void of actual solutions and

assistance.

Eleven years together and now we were arguing on a daily basis.

I wanted to escape.

I wanted to secure a residence.

The downfall in the economic situation led to my long term partner’s

sudden unemployment.

Our home was headed for foreclosure.

He frowned on working more local for one half his salary.

Although I understood the principle behind his thinking pattern, I had

no clue he was suffering from depression.

Rather I attributed his actions or inaction to lack of common sense as

to me some income was better than none.

I moved alright – from the frying pan into the fire!

Sadly, I regret the only impulsive decision I ever made (if correct) in

my entire life.

There’s a lesson here: “Give plenty of thought to what’s happening around

you, the future down the road and those who claim they’ll be there for you.”

I accessed my blog earlier to 1. participate in a prompt challenge and 2. to

share about when, how, with whom I started my ‘creative’ journey only my

thoughts took a 360 degree turn when noises arose from my kitchen sink.

No forewarning, no notifications of scheduled maintenance – basically no

clues unless one contacts the office with questions.

The downside of tenancy in an apartment complex from which the

likelihood of securing future residence appears to be next to nil at this time..

Too Much To Learn

Four years ago when I started my blog I took the suggestion to connect

it to several branches of social media as this method was said to gain

more followers and better overall exposure.

This scenario didn’t happen – number of faithful followers grew

slowly and truth ‘yes’ I found it quite disappointing.

I wasn’t about to purchase followers as to me that’s a cheater’s way

of getting ahead.

The constant changes, the stored passwords disappearances, plus

weekly laptop and cell phone updates became a source of distress.

I thought about quitting blogging period.

In January to my dismay a challenge I participated in prior years

changed its format. Thoroughly disinterested I chose not to

commit myself.

I wondered if I’d ever return to this hobby and then I learned

of a local gal with two published poetry books experiencing

the same lack of interest in daily writing as I.

Phew! A sign of relief for me.

Reflections on my life’s tenure show a gal who despite some rather

terrible odds chose to continue to forge ahead.

I’ve never been a quitter only too much to learn

and lacking assistance became a bit overwhelming.

Time for a hiatus!

Did this former perfectionist self-sabotage her achievements

when about to reach a higher degree of success or

did she sadly become an emotional victim to the worldwide

predicaments beyond her control.

Those who suffer from depression still wear a smile most days.

I’ll know more once I chit-chat with my primary doctor next

week on a Zoom-type connection.

Now for a little questionnaire:

My score ranks quite low – laughable since folks state how you should

refrain from the word ‘never’.

Country gals (I’m one) don’t share these interests rather am happy

NOT being superficial.

I asked myself if I should’ve done this / that and the honest

answer is ‘NO’.