No Internet Connection: Aggravation

Yesterday early morn when the internet was still available I
started deleting photos (a process in progress) to free up
space.
And then I came across a ‘shortcut’ only to find numerous
photos and documents relocated when technology decided
to take over.
Lovely, I thought to myself as I proceeded to access each
and decide if to keep or place in recycle bin.
Then I found a poem I’d written in 2018 and thought I’d
repost it after my errands were completed for the day.
Surprise, surprise ‘no internet connection’ which lasted for
several hours.
Today I searched the year I posted the poem on here and
with 12 months to the calendar year of course the last one
I accessed showed the poem.
In shock I looked at the format and wondered why the
words followed one another rather than in a poem’s format.
Anyway, I’ll repost the poem I wrote.
“The Empty Hole”

Exterior thankful whole
Interior broken heart holds

Grief assimilates tides ebbs and flows
Five stages conclusion sudden undertow

Sadness empty gape forever unpaved
Thankful ‘Lord’ concrete faith to me gave

No prelude exhaustive process loss
Survivors bear unfathomable cross

Acceptance unchosen future alone alas
Society’s behaviors liken senseless crass.

I read this and to myself thought how
little my thoughts and feelings changed
during the past three plus years following
penning this poem.

Imprisoned by emotions:

Emotional Storm Passed

Unknown to me until recently a child who experienced

parental neglect is referred to as an abused child.
Revelation about myself!
Those three special words,‘I LOVE YOU’, unspoken

by my parents.

Reflecting back lack of affection was the norm.

Often a dysfunctional childhood has adult repercussions.

Although I vowed not to follow in either of my parents’
footsteps, it appears (can relate to now) perhaps I
experienced a lack of judgment in choice of partners.

It’s way too late to change history. Intrusive thoughts

be gone. Adios!!

Today I’ll chit-chat ’bout my ‘Rainbow baby‘, a term I

came across in my reading travels this past week.

By definition a ‘Rainbow baby‘ is a baby born

subsequent to the loss of a previous child.

My second pregnancy ended approximately six

weeks prior to the expected delivery date when

suddenly no longer could I feel any movement

within my quite large belly.

A trip to the OBGYN followed by tests at the

hospital was the beginning of a nightmare.

Two weeks following the test results I delivered

a perfectly formed blond hair, blue-eyed son

who had succumbed to effects from the

incompability of blood types between mother

and fetus (address this topic in a future post).

Unfortunate was mannerisms from the paternal

parent following the loss. Normally at top of a

spouse’s support list, the man I loved chose to

near desert me via his actions and lack of
compassion.
It wasn’t easy; however, through faith I survived

this ordeal.
Ah, back to the ‘Rainbow baby‘, my miracle

son born two years later on the same exact

date as his brother near to the minute.

‘A bit unbelievable – 100 percent truth’.
Perhaps I should make reference to him as

my ‘Double Rainbow baby‘.
I thanked God for my 8 lbs. 10ozs. blessing.
Soo many good memories!!
I’m extremely proud of him and all his

accomplishments.








Difficult Times

Unbelievable!!

Sitting before computer feeling numb

Decorated Police Sergeant crossed over

Age 52 battle with Covid-19 succumb

Those left behind now broken-hearted

Grief journey begins mourning departed

A firm believer in the Lord questions


Online she watches funeral procession

For those who actually live with someone

Give thanks no idea feeling nights lonesome

Please don’t complain about caddy stuff

Result older woman possibility high throw up

Those who have lost loved ones understand me


Fact two children reside in Heaven unknowns quickly flee


Lately I wonder why God chose a keep me here plan


Renewed zest for living follow major operation stolen

Prepared emotionally,, spiritually obvious not chosen time

Aftermath prisoner intrusive thoughts spite ne’er commit crime

Down-trodden broken-hearted alone this cruel world daily face

Ask Lord reveal reason why actual timing deceit surface

Anger, bitterness ‘n resentment overwhelm
ed fight depression

Inner struggle desire overcome worse should go route confession

No idea if occasional writing reading between lines posts still therapeutic

Guess best keep quiet refrain reveal truth late stage in life serves no purpose

To divulge dirty secrets cause much personal familial strife
and critique

My cross to bear non-wish others burden thanks to real life reveal composer

Welcome Message – Mother’s Love

E’er wonder
How ‘n why

Thoughts appear
Sudden from nowhere

Welcome beautiful elusive
Versus nasty quite intrusive

Personal energetic field
Coded system internal yield

Early morn re-opened virtual garden
Dedicated in memory of my first-born

Taken from me too soon Fore’er 28, young
Tuffi McGuffi childhood nickname early-on

Daughter’s persona sweet – sassy – strong
Presence felt, message received definite welcome

“You’ve got this Mom – You’ll be fine – You’re strong.”

 

 

Faith and Priorities

Today still uncertain
Best close final curtain

Lord’s messages sent
Interpretations present

Decision address ‘n face
Priorities life misplaced

Whene’er new ideas react
Goal progress sidetracked

Creation last vid clip past weekend
Bid ‘adieu’ thousands virtual friends

Unmarked lit calendar squares near
Allowance time for personal self-care

Thoughts ahead return limited basis
Change niche new journey she embraces

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Writing Prompt “Life Changing”

I think back to elementary school years and a special teacher who took interest in

me and my home life situation. 

By today’s standards I definitely grew up in a dysfunctional family. 

This teacher graduated with me each year as she moved up to teach the next grade.

On Saturdays she held French classes in her home and I was able to attend free of

charge – yes, the poor of the parish with hand-me-down clothes, a father who 

drank away his weekly paycheck leaving only enough money for bare necessities  

and a mother who people referred to as different. 

Years later after graduation from high school I included this teacher on my 

wedding invitation list. 

She did attend the church ceremony; however she passed on the afternoon

reception.

For years each Christmas she sent me a beautiful card – inclusive were 

words of encouragement.

I presume she saw in me what I didn’t see within myself – power to succeed

and from best I can recall she wrote ‘never give up on your dreams no matter

your age’.

I managed to accomplish quite a bit within my life amid personal struggles.

In the early 70s while in conversation with the primary builder of my 

marital home I mentioned a dream goal I’d hope to attain in the future.

The man’s response was nearly the same wording as my favorite teacher

from elementary school. 

Sadly dreams don’t always come true; however, I learned to substitute and 

be thankful for that which I was able to accomplish. 

The alternative for my craft shop was a stay-at-home sewing venture that

supplemented my fixed income.

From 10:00 a.m. through 2:00 to 3:00 p.m. I’d sew dancewear and 

custom made-to-order outfits. 

The hand-made items were sold to people I knew, online and at my 

hometown’s yearly craft fair.

In year 2017 totally retired from crunching numbers and sewing for $$ I started

blogging more and during the past few years made some nice virtual friends.

Sitting at the kitchen table this morn eating breakfast I reflected on a few of the

morning reads.

At my age I’m not certain if I wish to continue blogging in hopes of publishing a

book before the Lord calls me home.

Perhaps blogging and being able to place the word ‘writer’ following my name is

as close to being an author that’s in God’s plans. 

It’s not that I’m giving up 100 percent – more like I need to do what makes

me happy.

Thus I have thought of returning to my love of crafts in hopes of earning a

few extra bucks.

Sunday Writing Prompt “Life Changing”