Picture Search – Found Myself

Rarely do I complain; I’d rather be a positive supporter. 

I’ve had my share (more than some less than others) of unfortunate life’s circumstances.

Social media networking has been quite therapeutic for me as well as writing for a hobby.

Today I found a good description of myself in the above picture – gal who has yet to manage putting the puzzle pieces together.

Losing someone you love dearly is difficult – losing one or more of your children far worse.

Listed below is a partial list of symptoms of grief I deal with to this day / night.

  •  Segmented sleep pattern
  •  Appetite changes 
  •  Difficulty concentrating for extended periods 
  •  Crying versus bothered and upset yet numbed out
  •  Social isolation  (fought this) 
  •  Anxiety attacks out of nowhere
  •  Depression – off and on
  •  Nightmares 
  •  List goes on

Inspirational messages and shared affirmations are definitely nice – momentarily only though as when alone one can sink into a pit of despair. 

I’ve no idea why some people have so much strength while others complain about the most trivial matters. 

If I could change places I’d opt out of being a Mother who lost children. It’s grief that never goes away.

Few Know The Struggle Within

Alone sits with grief
Stares in space disbelief
Lost place consider home
Commence again self alone
Unknown exact path turn
Remembrances forevermore yearn
Comparisons generate depression
Positives accept – disallow dat culprit win
Dismiss numerous intrusive sad thoughts
Countless shreds happiness future straightaway sought.

© 2019 June Quintin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Remembrance

Hello daughter
Heaven resident

Birthday fifty-two
Cemetery present

Early-on Lord chose you be with him
Leaving behind two beautiful children

Time and again ponder 'why' reason
Doubt overcome create faith treason

Cardinals and butterflies stare
Signs sweet daughter presence near

Sunny August summer evening you born
Adorable baby-blue eyes blond hair adorn

Motherhood kick off dream wonderful true
Fate face remainder life sweet memories of you.

© 2018 June Quintin








The Empty Hole

Exterior thankful whole
Interior broken heart holds

Grief assimilate tide's ebbs and flows
Five stages conclusion sudden undertow

No prelude exhaustive process loss
Survivors bear unfathomable cross

Acceptance unchosen future alone alas
Society's behavior liken senseless crass

Sadness empty gape forever unpaved
Thankful Lord concrete strength faith gave.

© 2018 June Quintin

Shambles

Virtual garden freeze
Profile deactivation please

Grown tired of fakes
Unsightly gruesome flakes

Feelings concrete shutdown
Desire grieve solely shown

Innermost feelings reflect
Questionable faith conflict

Capacity full emotional space
Memories loss 23 years ago face

Compassion, empathy, reality
Continual loss no fun actuality

Never expect anything from anyone
Expectations seem always hurt someone.

© 2018 June Quintin




 










Sudden Death

Totally unprepared
Lifetime void ahead

Unforeseen unfold
Sadness twofold

Immeasurable grief
Deprivation sleep

Documents time-stamped
Freedom transparent

Precarious solution
Bogus affirmation

Thoughtful wise
Choices criticize

Counteract emotional pain
Self-help lists ascertain

Benevolent smiles
Preparations worthwhile

Positivity emphasis
Current life's focus

Curveballs thrown attention
Access personal list collection

Love transplant
Selfless apparent

Spring flowers blossom
Thankful beauty awesome.

© 2018 June Quintin

Heartache Revelation

Chosen suffer unimaginable loss
Grief stages 'five' unofficial boss
Daily remembrances occurrence
Life without loved one face new experience

Timespan grief relief never exact
Doubtful matter-of-fact
Bereft of future ahead
Unchosen darkness path survivors led

Northern Hemisphere modest find Forget-me-nots 
Colorful image light-shaded blue floral bouquet
Five flat shaped petal arrangement five flowers
Life's powerful thought 'forever remember' set 

Enduring life despite absence
Heartache substitute appearance
Significant number humans experience grief
Revel in thought - hopeful duration brief

Parents should never outlive their child
Sadly, overwhelming sorrow happens beguile
Until the last breath of this now older heart
Forever in thought 'daughter' - Forgetting You Not!

Daily Prompt: Prolonged Agony

https://puttingmyfeetinthedirt.com/2017/11/01/november-writing-prompts-nanowrimo/prolonged-agony








Le Jardin de Juin – June’s Garden

Year created 2008
Overseas' son idea or fate
Suggestion Mom access, play Fairyland app
Virtual garden excellent panacea
Creation in memory of Tuffie McGuffie
Nickname for oldest daughter
Too soon departed
Forever '28'
On app no need for gloves
Nor worry 'bout sore back
Neither critters sample plants
Water whenever - hours recreation
Most players UK location 
Hello June's club - quite beautiful bouquet
Worldwide Junes interact play
Each year nearin' anniversary day
Message breathtaking wait yellow birthday plant
Soon changeover birthday balloon with message
Date in place September 24th similar heritage
Fun season ahead - Happy Halloween!
Witches, creepie spiders, ghosts and bats
Naught forget those sneaky, silky black cats
Grow largest pumpkin been quite a task
A gardener's ballet totally free
Gone years tending 'real' gardens
Loving son's prescription definite blessing
Although active player challenged certain days
App a pizzeria no side effects - Hooray!
Battling grief quite a Mother's struggle
Virtual garden resemblance reality life
Always amidst selected plants stands
The flickering candle 'Forget-Me-Not'
Deborah Ann forever daily in thought.








Grief Process Revelation

Twenty-two years ago I said a final ‘Good-bye’ to my 28-year old daughter. Five years later my 35-year marriage ended in divorce. In order to heal I had to process these major losses.

I experienced all five stages of grief, working through them and on occasion found myself re-visiting a few. Time doesn’t exactly heal the wounds, rather you learn to live without those you love and your life changes forever.

This year I met a man I thought ‘perhaps’ would fill the void since we appeared quite compatible. Although selective I’d made a wrong choice.

Our short-term relationship dissolved Memorial Day weekend. The smiling, bubbly gal became the quiet, reserved woman amidst friends and acquaintances similar to years ago.

I had no idea I’d be experiencing grief again.  A little research revealed that with each loss the hurt can become worse and thus the reason I sank into a mild depression.

He wanted to remain on a friendship basis with me only I felt if I wasn’t good enough to date anymore then I’d best refrain from any form of contact especially since he made it perfectly clear no chance we’d ever be a couple again in the future.

And thus I went from denial to anger to bargaining. Following came the depression and now I can honestly say, “I’m over him.”

I vow no more chasing dreams via online dating. It’s perfectly okay to be single status. Will I date? Yes. Moving on in the world of blogging with new topics that fill my heart with joy.  Adios relationship complications!