No Internet Connection: Aggravation

Yesterday early morn when the internet was still available I
started deleting photos (a process in progress) to free up
space.
And then I came across a ‘shortcut’ only to find numerous
photos and documents relocated when technology decided
to take over.
Lovely, I thought to myself as I proceeded to access each
and decide if to keep or place in recycle bin.
Then I found a poem I’d written in 2018 and thought I’d
repost it after my errands were completed for the day.
Surprise, surprise ‘no internet connection’ which lasted for
several hours.
Today I searched the year I posted the poem on here and
with 12 months to the calendar year of course the last one
I accessed showed the poem.
In shock I looked at the format and wondered why the
words followed one another rather than in a poem’s format.
Anyway, I’ll repost the poem I wrote.
“The Empty Hole”

Exterior thankful whole
Interior broken heart holds

Grief assimilates tides ebbs and flows
Five stages conclusion sudden undertow

Sadness empty gape forever unpaved
Thankful ‘Lord’ concrete faith to me gave

No prelude exhaustive process loss
Survivors bear unfathomable cross

Acceptance unchosen future alone alas
Society’s behaviors liken senseless crass.

I read this and to myself thought how
little my thoughts and feelings changed
during the past three plus years following
penning this poem.

Imprisoned by emotions:

Sunday Poser #69

Topic:  ‘hoarding
Questions: 
Do you hoard or collect things so that you don’t run out of them?
And if you do and later on find that you don’t need them after all,
what do you do with them?

Until recent times I’d have to answer ‘no‘ since I don’t consider
stocking up on everyday items, especially due to harsh winters,
a problem known in today’s world as ‘hoarding‘.

The chest freezer was full; the panty had a sufficient food supply
and in some cabinets could be found some ‘just in case’ items.
I don’t recollect excess storage of any one item other than fabric
or yarn purchased on sale.
Organization was great – all items had a set place with room for
limited expansion.

Fast forward ~ comparison:
During the last decade, divorced and suffering from severe anxiety
combined with chronic depression thanks to nasty circumstances,
I started not to care about my surroundings.

A new attitude:
‘I’ll get around to it tomorrow’ turned my life upside down again.
True ’twas impossible to stuff one’s belongings from an actual
3BR house into a one-bedroom apartment’. Reality is there wasn’t
enough room and thus started the problem.

My child tried to convince me that what I was surrounded by was
considered clean clutter.

Mind you years prior I’d donated items to two local senior centers,
sold clothing at a consignment store, given away perfectly good
stuff to acquaintances and sold items on my eBay store.

As I have no individual who desires any of my hand-me downs,
I opted to hire a cleaning professional. As luck would have it the
Pandemic reared its ugly head and thus a postponement of much
needed assistance.

One day a wakeup call and no choice other than take a risk with
masks worn.
With kitchen, living room and bathroom near complete along
came variant Omicron – another delay.

It’s a daily battle to abstain from idea ‘leave it for tomorrow’.

I’ll be thankful when this process is finalized and believe me I have
no desire to return to the scenario I allowed the creation thereof.
I hadn’t reached the 1st level when I realized I had no choice than
ask for help. Me, myself and I couldn’t handle the work.

The saddest lesson I’ve learned in life is ‘never expect anything
from anyone’ in spite of how good you treated them thru the
years.

For those of you who have no idea, there are 5 levels of hoarding
and the internet has a wealth of information to educate oneself
with regard to this topic.

https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2022/02/27/sunday-poser-69/

99 Words ~ I’d Rather Be . . .

In love with a person in love with me
No other place on earth ‘I’d rather be’

Dear Lord, I plead grant me a miracle
Decade dates round and round circles

Time passes friends arrive gone soon
Unable understand reason misfortune

Bad things good people thou resonate
Failures versus successes odds postulate

Behavioral patterns time change dream grandiose
Male population present billions inhabit cosmos

Exude warmth radiate confidence double-check
Ne’er again role play thee innocent pencil-neck

Self-care journey exercises journaled full-blown
Honesty practice still best policy thee e’er known

Summer months ahead hopeful become faith over fear winner.

https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2022/02/25/99-words-id-rather-be/

Throwback Thursday ~ No: 25

Topic: Mentors and Role Models

I chose ‘three’ women from my past who believed in me,

encouraged me and reiterated over and over to ‘never give

up in life’.

The first is the ‘park lady’, a woman who during summer

months spent her days teaching youth who never had the

opportunity to go on an actual vacation with parents. an

assortment of crafts.

This young woman taught me how to sew. Two summers

in a row at the conclusion of the summer program’s special

event I won ‘first’ place ribbons for the skirts I’d hand-sewn.

It was the beginning of a fun hobbie for me. Several years

I took night courses at the local vocational high school

(Sewing101 thru Advanced Sewing & Tailoring).

‘What a wonderful feeling of accomplishment to view dresses

I’d sewn for special occasions on display at the school’s craft fair’.

Later in life I pursued the art of quilting, an excellent

choice to use up one’s 100 percent cotton remnants.

The second person who influenced my life was a

business teacher who watched me, a young teen

with great potential, suddenly become a no-show

for class resulting in a drastic drop in grades.

She kept me after class one day and inquired to what

was different in my life. I had moved and started hanging

with the wrong crowd.

Her words were truly the wakeup call I needed to hear.

Someone actually cares about me.

From that day forward I vowed to never be truant again and

hand in ALL assignments on time.

Last on my list of whom to thank is an elementary teacher who

graduated with me each year. On Saturday mornings she taught

a French class from home and I was able to go ‘free of charge’.

She was there for me thru high school and beyond even attended

my wedding.

Each year she’d send me a beautiful Christmas card. Many times

she’d write words I so needed to hear with regard to perseverance

in my life.

“You’re such a smart young woman; please don’t ever give up on

yourself.”

My life has not been a bed of roses. On occasion I share bits and

pieces.

As I’m taking this trip down memory lane typing away tears are

streaming down my face.

I thank God for those ladies who influenced my life in a positive

manner.

Older and much wiser I know who does and doesn’t have my best

interests at heart.

https://fromcavewalls.wordpress.com/2022/02/10/throwback-thursday-25-mentors-and-role-models/








The Sunday Whirl No: 539

Overnight freezing rain fell
Cat litter dumpster toss smells

Best shot purchase H2o body warm dress
Short walk local store road conditions mess 

With hesitation proceed walk middle iced peaks
Mounds melting snow similar water main leak

Brief reprieve from off ‘n on overhead vibrating
True facts tenant weekends heard to floor nailing

Unknown device cut chances e’er peaceful night’s sleep
Brushed hair walking zombie self-think methods count sheep

https://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2002/02/06/wordle-539/

 

 

 

 

Hot Mess ~ Success

Laptop, chair cup tea
Lack of inspiration thee
Let someone down, me

Idea romance
Instead stare screen semi-trance
Insult dawn last straw

Each day new burden
Every choice uncertain
Eh, no gain force writes

Above penned in combo ‘ABC’ and ‘Tanka’ poetry styles.
The word spelled out is ‘lie’.
I often wonder if blogging is therapeutic or waste of precious time.
Although fairly intelligent, a person with common-sense, until the
Lord calls me home it’s doubtful I’ll ever understand certain behavioral
patterns of humans.





Setting Boundaries

A wakeup call for me, although late in life, was still a

wakeup call.

The genuine attempt to help a person in AA recovery

led me via his sudden rejection down the path of self-

discovery.

I qualify as a co-dependent, a label I always thought

pertained to people with addictions.

The factors in place were ones I thought were healthy.

Wrong!

A person with Type A personality demands perfection

of themselves and needs to understand it’s okay to be

perfectly imperfect.

The two-letter word ‘NO’ seems not to be in their long

list of vocabulary words because they fear rejection.

He or she needs to learn it’s impossible to fix everything

in life and realize it’s not their responsibility.

Bingo – spot on!

This is where the wall of boundaries started to exist.

I began to decline requests void now of feeling any

pangs of guilt.

Sometimes a process appears to be an easy one only

once you actually practice it there’s a strong possibility

of negative repercussions from fake friends, even family

members.

To feel loved I allowed myself to be taken advantage of

to the point of resentment.

Wow – another wakeup call.

The difference now, based on work done on the self-love

journey, is the perception of how I view myself. Those who

suddenly chose to become absent from my life when I

politely declined their requests most likely were never

truly in my corner, rather mere takers.

The decisions how I prioritize my time at this stage of

life need to be favorable to me.

To set the record straight I intend to treat true

friends in the same mannerisms as before while

I slowly remove from my life those who possess

narcissistic traits.

Although a rude awakening, the boundaries I set

in place have actually brought me peace of mind.