The Dreaded Process Xs 2

Three words: decide, commit and repeat

  1. No longer could I live in this manner; it’s unwise and unhealthy.
  2. Reluctantly, I admitted to myself it was time to hire professionals.

30-day challenges ahead:

  1. Social Media Detox
  2. Declutter the apartment
  3. Self-carebudget more time for self

It took me quite awhile to find the proper photo today coupled with toggling
back and forth between block and classic editing. 

Unfortunately, my budgeted computer time is about to expire and from past

experience  I’m fully aware:

I’m on my own to continue to clean up a sordid

life mess. 

Next post I’ll discuss my feelings on Part1 of this long overdue journey.


Fixed incomes don’t appreciate too many out-of-pocket expenses!!

Concerns on Acute Depression

Strange how life unfolds

Social media posts paint glorious pictures

People’s days, months, and years happiness

Wow – how fortunate their lives be drama free

And then . . .

There are others who speak the truth – reality

Sadness, daily struggles even need for assistance

Illnesses, losses, days void of socialization, sheer loneliness

Either/or . . .

A reader’s choice to bypass or read, like and comment

Some choose to scroll past, others lament a response

Leaves a contributor food for thought exact share and write

Blogging hiatus

Springtime journey May through August appears

Count blog posts low several whys happens each year

Not lack of topics rather hand of cards life dealt try ignore

A good start . . .

Restart weight-loss program and walking regimen

Occasional stops picture taking architecture ‘n flowers

Back home pics be slideshow edited for Aesthetic videos

And then it happened . . .

The heat, the rain, the high humidity

Unknown reason return pain previous back injury

Life’s positive improvement shutdown in a few minutes

Sinking feeling . . .

When is enough, enough – when does person’s strength wane

Question self if finally coming unglued decade words fix nothing

Alone again face ‘n combat depression and certain not complain

Why?

Found through the years folks on scene when all is well

Same ones flee when person’s life takes a road becomes tough

Minimal show of compassion – lack of empathy – narcissists’ world now.








What Do You See #85 – June 7th 2021

A kitten so adorable, so tiny compared to a full-grown cat captures my heart.

I think back of teenage days, a trip to my girlfriend’s uncle’s farm and a litter

of kittens awaiting adoption inside a red barn.

That Sunday I would return home with my first pet, a calico kitten.

I named her Toastie perhaps due to her multi-colors – hard to remember now.

She was an indoor kitten who when I went to school would tear the wallpaper

to shreds.

Perhaps that’s what today is referred to as separation anxiety from the only

individual in the household who was capable of actual love, me.

I don’t know how long Toastie was with me – perhaps my parents intentionally

let her go outdoors when I was studying hard at school.

Thinking back ‘she disappeared’ were the words told to me.

I’d never see my cute, cuddly Toastie again.

She was the first and last kitten / cat in my life.

Although I always preferred cats versus dogs once married I heard the word, ‘NO’.

https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2021/06/07/what-do-you-see-85-june-7th-2021/

SoCS – March 13th 2021

Prompt: day-week-month-year

Reflecting back it’s hard to focus on whatever actually was positive as

daily reads and gruesome tales were the constant everywhere.

Step outside amidst ‘The Twilight Zone’.

I listened, I watched, I realized whatever I wished for was not in the cards

so best to accept fate.

For those who faced this most difficult time, remained positive and somehow

managed to be productive, I applaud you.

As a popular country western singer related, “This feels like prison.”

For certain since it’s NO you can’t do this and NO you can’t do that to this date.

My entire life I’ve never been a quitter. The Pandemic took its toll on me.

Slowly the depressed state of mind set in when I realized the scheduled

organization of my apartment wasn’t going to occur.

As the DIY list grew so did the anger and bitterness.

So many personal questions void of real answers or solutions.

Now:

I’ve grown tired of remembering that which I wish to forget so instead

I’ve given thought to writing more about what brought ‘LOVE’ into my

life before and after the empty nest syndrome.

Arts and crafts from this day forward – bi-weekly posts.

https://lindaghill.com/2021/03/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-13-2021/


National Grammar Day – March 4th

Earlier this week I wrote a post – topic Mother’s loss of a child.

The next morning a medical news article stared me in the face – topic blood types.

Curious??

Yes of course I became anxious to learn which blood type found thru studies performed

may lower risk of severity or worse in the current health crisis.

The answer was RH negative, the alien DNA which only 15% of the population

worldwide (of which I’m one) possess = a minority in classes of blood factors.

Countless times the word ‘may’ appeared throughout this article which I did

read in its entirety.

Percentage of immunity??

Comforting words – I think not.

Wonderful I’d been reminded of another loss – a son taken from me before birth

year 1969 due to this blood factor.

Tears flowed..

I wondered how much more of these horrendous memories triggered by words

written I shall have to endure in this lifetime.

The reality is 100% cruel punishment as I recalled the before, during and aftermath

of giving birth to a stillborn son who’d passed two weeks prior to delivery.

My shoulders once strong from weightlifting are slowing weakening a combo of

lack of anaerobic exercise and emotional stress.

I tell myself ‘never give up’ – I read all those nice affirmations and inspirational quotes.

Reality – going it alone in Golden years ‘sucks’.

The past two days I’ve had no choice other than tend to errands – need of nourishment

and medicines.

Yesterday afternoon I finished reading the second psychological thriller novel by the

same author.

Today I took a long nap.


Now what on earth does all the above relate to?

Today while driving from one location to another, the country music station announcer

stated it was ‘National Grammar Day’.

I checked online and ‘yes’ March 4th is the designated day for grammar.

Uumm what about the word ‘may’ that appeared countless times in that article.

Turns out it’s a modal verb that’s used in conjunction with a main verb to

express possibility thereof.

Overwhelmed at this time, I ‘may’ decide to change from my former goal

and write about romantic fantasy.

After all the mind can wander to unknown places and dabbling in fiction

might be fun.

Too Much To Learn

Four years ago when I started my blog I took the suggestion to connect

it to several branches of social media as this method was said to gain

more followers and better overall exposure.

This scenario didn’t happen – number of faithful followers grew

slowly and truth ‘yes’ I found it quite disappointing.

I wasn’t about to purchase followers as to me that’s a cheater’s way

of getting ahead.

The constant changes, the stored passwords disappearances, plus

weekly laptop and cell phone updates became a source of distress.

I thought about quitting blogging period.

In January to my dismay a challenge I participated in prior years

changed its format. Thoroughly disinterested I chose not to

commit myself.

I wondered if I’d ever return to this hobby and then I learned

of a local gal with two published poetry books experiencing

the same lack of interest in daily writing as I.

Phew! A sign of relief for me.

Reflections on my life’s tenure show a gal who despite some rather

terrible odds chose to continue to forge ahead.

I’ve never been a quitter only too much to learn

and lacking assistance became a bit overwhelming.

Time for a hiatus!

Did this former perfectionist self-sabotage her achievements

when about to reach a higher degree of success or

did she sadly become an emotional victim to the worldwide

predicaments beyond her control.

Those who suffer from depression still wear a smile most days.

I’ll know more once I chit-chat with my primary doctor next

week on a Zoom-type connection.

Now for a little questionnaire:

My score ranks quite low – laughable since folks state how you should

refrain from the word ‘never’.

Country gals (I’m one) don’t share these interests rather am happy

NOT being superficial.

I asked myself if I should’ve done this / that and the honest

answer is ‘NO’.

B E C A U S E . . .

2020 Pandemic
Reason disheartened


Tired life’s obstacles
Constants ne’er reach goals

Key success determination
Numbness replace observation


Truth reveal dislike holidays
Experiences life full regrets dismay

Questions unanswered
Situations goals hampered

Alone time reflections
Fruition ne’er thanks him


Classification not perfection
Kindness practice no expectations

Times consider why continue bother
Goals destination definite become harder

Start New Year 2021 approach begin
Quit guarantees naysayers automatic win

Rethink conditions present quandary
Tactfulness proceed dismiss boundaries

Tenure life existence multitude reasons
Hope ‘n prayers ahead worthwhile season