Teenage Memories

I look out my apartment’s sliding glass door.

The view, the snow-covered grass park I spent

countless hours together with my wonderful teen

friends, brings back many happy memories.

The majority of these friends no longer walk

the paths within the park.

Some relocated due to jobs, some moved

away for other reasons and sadly many no

longer walk this place we call Earth.

Reflecting back to yesteryears there were

two sets of teenagers, the elite a.k.a. jocks

and the poor a.k.a. hoodlums, a group of

friends who were labelled ‘The Park Gang’.

Although an honor roll student in school,

I was a better fit for the latter group. Why?

My dysfunctional family was in the ‘ugh’

classification ‘poor’.

We were simply a group of friends

who spent time together enjoying

Mother Nature’s beauty and idle chit-chat.

On days when enough of us showed to hang

out we’d shoot hoops or utilize the ballfield.

The past is history; however, the same feeling

of ‘bullying’ persists via comparison of parents’

wealth.

I won’t apologize for my misfortune. I’d rather

concentrate on the present and hope for

improvement of current circumstances in the

near future.

Wealth doesn’t define a person; however, some

well-off people continue to be quite snobbish and

know-it-alls.

Setting Boundaries

A wakeup call for me, although late in life, was still a

wakeup call.

The genuine attempt to help a person in AA recovery

led me via his sudden rejection down the path of self-

discovery.

I qualify as a co-dependent, a label I always thought

pertained to people with addictions.

The factors in place were ones I thought were healthy.

Wrong!

A person with Type A personality demands perfection

of themselves and needs to understand it’s okay to be

perfectly imperfect.

The two-letter word ‘NO’ seems not to be in their long

list of vocabulary words because they fear rejection.

He or she needs to learn it’s impossible to fix everything

in life and realize it’s not their responsibility.

Bingo – spot on!

This is where the wall of boundaries started to exist.

I began to decline requests void now of feeling any

pangs of guilt.

Sometimes a process appears to be an easy one only

once you actually practice it there’s a strong possibility

of negative repercussions from fake friends, even family

members.

To feel loved I allowed myself to be taken advantage of

to the point of resentment.

Wow – another wakeup call.

The difference now, based on work done on the self-love

journey, is the perception of how I view myself. Those who

suddenly chose to become absent from my life when I

politely declined their requests most likely were never

truly in my corner, rather mere takers.

The decisions how I prioritize my time at this stage of

life need to be favorable to me.

To set the record straight I intend to treat true

friends in the same mannerisms as before while

I slowly remove from my life those who possess

narcissistic traits.

Although a rude awakening, the boundaries I set

in place have actually brought me peace of mind.

Humor – letter to me

While reading my last chosen book for the 2021 Goodreads

challenge I did many suggested workbook exercises.

Reality: ‘All the questions & answers, all the lists, all the

drawings and the letters to myself were ‘beneficial’.

I had to be 100 percent onboard and honest to feel

the gain/reward.

Random page from my journal ‘Happy Thoughts’

contains a letter I wrote to my body. It’s soo much

better to feel good about yourself.

The day I wrote the following I had a good laugh.

Dear Body,

You are old and tired now.

I remember when I used to take better care of you.

What happened? Life! Ageism. Depression.

Although I make honest efforts to forge ahead,

re-starting an exercise regimen combined with

healthy eating I doubt I’m going to approve of

the image in the mirror.

Wear a bikini (heck no) related thought = dread.

The stomach of this body carried four children on

the inside and I have a ‘roadmap’ to nowhere for

proof on the outside.

True, I’m unique and special – look at the previous

exercise, a long list of hobbies I tried throughout

my life and all the accomplishments.

Truth is: ‘I don’t like being old’; however, I’ll continue

my ‘old in years – young at heart’ portrayal.

I pray I can keep a positive mindset – one day at

a time future.

‘It’s okay to love myself and demand respect’ even

when the mirror image is a bit bothersome and tad

scary.

This journal entry portrays mixed emotions.

One has to put themself in a good frame of

mind and enjoy today’s journey at whatever

stage of life.

To compare oneself to the younger generation

is a waste of time since the biological clock

moves in one direction, forward.

Lost Late in Life

Five plus years ago when I started this blog I believed in my heart

placing words on paper void of all the personal details would

somehow be beneficial.

To a high degree I found blogging quite therapeutic.

In addition to my own articles I quite enjoyed participating in

daily / weekly prompts plus the interaction from other bloggers.

Yes, I considered myself an official member of Blogosphere.

And then along came the Pandemic . . .

Life became 10 times more difficult – maintain my sanity being ‘alone’,

I managed to keep busy and adapt to all the constant change.

Mid-may I interacted with an individual who was 6 plus months into AA recovery.

A child of an alcoholic I did my best to help – daily affirmations and texting – all

good – all above board = 100 % genuine.

Then either Facebook malfunctioned or said individual made decision no

more interaction (shut down).

It seems I didn’t take this type of rejection too well and best description of

my own feelings about this situation:

‘evolution of near becoming unglued’.

My entire life’s journey started to play out – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Confused, scared and fairly numb (still functional) I sought out reading material

a sudden need for info on what was happening to me so late in life.

It took awhile and then a book appeared – a book written for me – one all

about my sordid dysfunctional life.

The hard part was to admit to myself – like addicts do in the 12-step program.

It seems I’m a ‘Codependent’ and from time to time I’ll write about

the work I’m doing to overcome and hopefully find peace in my life.

You who I tried to help still follow me on here so I’ll say

Thank you” for sending me down a new path which when

I arrive at the finish line should find me in a better place within

my personal life.

No bitter feelings toward you who I considered a friend rather prayers for

continued success on your own day-to-day journey

God Bless!!

Truthful Tuesday: February 9th 2021

A mixture of preparedness and weekly prompts is the norm I look forward

to monthly.

As the holidays approached I began to write less and less.

Looking back I admit my lack of desire was due to a combination

of factors (personal and Pandemic-related).

I fully understand writer’s burnout and empathize with the alternate

host of this prompt.

Without questions to answer I found myself left with two choices

(participate and wing it or bypass).

I made my selection and since this prompt is one to tell the truth (not fib) I’ll

share a few enlightening moments from my past few days.

The 5th of this month was the 5th anniversary of my previous husband’s

passing (RIP).

I’d read the nice tribute our youngest daughter had posted on Facebook

only that evening mentioned ‘nothing’ to her.

Those involved in far from amicable divorces understand long-lasting

feelings experienced by the scorned woman.

The following night during our usual late night phone conversation

she brought up the topic some refer to as the elephant in the room.

I sat. I listened to her explanation. She’d included events

experienced with both biological parents.

It appears I missed her good intentions when I basically scanned

the post that morn.

Before she closed the topic she said, ‘Mom focus on the ‘good’

memories from all those years.

This suggestion undoubtedly for me will be hard to follow through

with on a constant basis; however, I vowed to try my best to honor

her request as ‘yes’ I admit it made perfect sense.

An epiphany?? Possibly!

Imagine how I felt this morn, a few days later, when I read a poem

written by a friend, a published Poetess. Nearing the end the

line below, one I resonate with, jumped out at me.

She’d penned:

“Living with grief means I have lived with much love.”

https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2021/02/09/truthful-tuesday-9th-february/




SoCS – Nov. 14th 2020

Today’s prompt word: ring

Cell phone conversation – fictitious name . . .

RingRingRing

Me: ‘Hello’
Crista: ‘Hi, how are you?’

Me: ‘With whom am I speaking?
Crista: ‘It’s your friend, Crista.’

Passing thought = OH!

Me: ‘Sorry I didn’t recognize your voice.’ -‘I’m doing okay.’ – ‘And how are you?’

Crista: ‘My days are so busy.’ – ‘I keep meaning to ring your number then it’s too

late to call.’

Passing thought = REALLY!

A short conversation – my new practice for long overdue callers – 10 minutes max.

RingRingRing

Me: ‘Sorry to cut our catching up short – there’s an incoming call on my

other cell phone.’

Crista: ‘Okay, let’s stay in contact.’

Passing thought: I WOULDN’T COUNT ON IT.

The above is how I feel towards the few who were part of my face-to-face life for

25 to 35 years who fail to call then feeling guilty contact me with what I consider

a fake explanation.

You promised you’d be there for me. Remember?? Then you disappeared

from my life.

If I call you I can count on leaving a voice message and if lucky a return call in 3 to 4

days.

There are many sayings to read with regard on how you allow others to treat you.

Interesting though people dislike when you give them a taste of their own

behavior.

No, I haven’t heard from Crista in over two years and I refuse to call her since it was

always I who took the initiative.

I doubt I’m mistaken about the definition of friendship being a two-way street.

I’m certain though there’ll be a Christmas card in my mailbox again this year.

Sorry, the intended recipient will place it unopened in the trash same as year 2019.

It was nice knowing you – how quickly people forget promises to another who fell

on hard times.

https://lindaghill.com/2020/11/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-14-2020/











The Sunday Whirl # 476

Today’s words: risk – power – contract – flight – doubt – strip – die – board – cast –
assault – crisis – right

Procrastination – uumm – tackle another crisis ??
Right now I’d like to cast an evil spell on the person
who removed my still warm laundry from the dryer
.
Without doubt twas one of the newer younger tenants
lacking patience who couldn’t wait a few moments
or ascend a flight of stairs.

I feel so violated to find my clean clothes thrown upon
a not-so-clean board secured to the laundry room wall.

It appears that with age one is often stripped of their rights.
In my defense I hadn’t left my laundry unattended for hours
and there was another dryer available for use.
It felt like a no-contact assault had been committed against
a person (me) who never once in over 10 years met with such
an experience.

An initial thought to open that dryer door and let the person’s
time run out to find their clothes still wet crossed my mind.

A person who doesn’t feel like two wrongs make a right I
chose the higher road – tis better to be nice – own persona’s contract.

Adage: “Old habits die hard.”

Although far from a happy camper I finished the Wordle.
(today’s writing accomplishment)
I have yet to learn all about the updated WP changes – snail’s pace.

https://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2020/10/04/wordle-476/






What a Week – Wait Not Over Yet!

Stopped in noon hour to take a peek – suggestions / prompt challenges submission

next week.

Two days of dismay working with technological issues was one heck of an

emotional strain.

Three years of work right down the drain and likely situation unfixable since

robuts don’t talk.

I think it took its’ toll on me.

Why?

While heading for an early morning lab visit suddenly I found myself stuck behind

a Sunday driver.

You know the ones who drive 25 miles or less per hour.

Solid yellow lines – do not even attempt to pass driver ahead.

Lovely was my first thought. Stay calm.

Yepp, I became so relaxed to the point of driving right past my turnoff.

Panic stricken now – surrounded by mostly forest – where am I?

Time to turn around and revisit the road you took – a good tactic liken to retracing

one’s steps.

Arrived at the lab approximate 7:30 a.m.

Mask on headed for the building’s door only before I could enter twas necessary

I answer several health-related questions followed by temperature taken

with an infrared thermometer.

Once I passed through the doors I was met with another gal, Ipad in hand,

who took down personal information.

The waiting room was far from full and the seats had laminated notices with

regard to social distancing.

Thankful the wait was short – a few more questions – blood drawn – on my way.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so scared and alone as I did this morn- no way to start a day.

Pandemic – enough – please go away!!