Hot Mess ~ Success

Laptop, chair cup tea
Lack of inspiration thee
Let someone down, me

Idea romance
Instead stare screen semi-trance
Insult dawn last straw

Each day new burden
Every choice uncertain
Eh, no gain force writes

Above penned in combo ‘ABC’ and ‘Tanka’ poetry styles.
The word spelled out is ‘lie’.
I often wonder if blogging is therapeutic or waste of precious time.
Although fairly intelligent, a person with common-sense, until the
Lord calls me home it’s doubtful I’ll ever understand certain behavioral
patterns of humans.





JusJoJan ~ Jan. 25th

Today’s prompt: journal

December 6th, 2021 the e-book I requested sent to my 

Kinde Reader turned out to be the best self-love workbook 

I’d read in years.

Unfortunately, with an e-book there’s no way to complete

the exercises thus I treated myself to a brand-new journal. 

The work which at times actually was fun came to a close

on December 28th as did my 2021 Goodreads Challenge. 

All questions were answered with 100% honesty, and the

journal also is comprised of graphs, pictures and mini stories.

I learned quite a bit about myself beginning with childhood.

A journal is a great tool and one you can refer back to when

or if you feel need to clarify an event.

I’m glad I took the time to embark on this self-love journey.

I wish I could’ve purchased a paper-back or hard-cover of 

this book.

Sadly, neither are offered for sale. 

https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2022/01/25/daily-prompt-for-jusjojan-the-25th-2022/

Self-Love Lists – Good Records

Old folks often experience short-term memory loss.

I’m sure there’s many medical reasons for this pattern.

How strange me, myself and I have no problem

recollecting every detail of events which took place

decades ago; however, without a list I tend somehow

to quickly forget portions of important stuff hence

the need for me to compose a list – make that plural.

Sharing from my journal entries today, I bring you

a Self-assessment list of ways to show myself love.

  1. reading the workbook
  2. completing the written exercises
  3. eating healthier – cooking for one fun
  4. try to get enough rest
  5. participate more in my hobbies
    (I selected seven)

Number ‘seven’ was to limit time on social media.

Old habits are hard to break and although I followed

through even deleting some apps, I still have the

desire – the curiosity to view virtual friends I made

throughout the years and watch inspirational videos.

Today I had to brave a crowded supermarket amid

the current Covid surge since my locale is about to

be hit by a Northeaster starting in the early hours

of Friday morn.

After lunch I accessed my phone and watched some

reels, a video creation on my to-learn list.

One video was about ‘God and Your Call’ and

how he designed me and all aspects of my

life. The inspirational message ended with the

the following: ‘Until you walk into the fullness of

the thing you were created for you’ll be frustrated’,

Wow!!

These words, quite profound, didn’t exactly resonate

with me 100 percent and suddenly I became somber

pondering ‘the whys’.

It would have been wonderful to be born into a loving

family with some wealth.

Would I have been happier? Would I have been

blessed with more opportunities? Who knows?

Born into an extremely poor dysfunctional household,

moving past the negatives to creation of a decent life

only to have it taken away leaving me an emotional

prisoner, who do I thank.

Unfortunately for the viewer, some inspirational

messages can trigger a depressive mood.

I’ve learned to dismiss the intrusive thoughts

and keep the positive ones since all aren’t

exactly relatable to me.

I guess this is progress in my self-love journey.

Quick fact:

Grief isn’t always related to death. A shame more

people don’t understand there are more than 40

life events that cause grief. Lucky me, I’ve

experienced all of them.


Humor – letter to me

While reading my last chosen book for the 2021 Goodreads

challenge I did many suggested workbook exercises.

Reality: ‘All the questions & answers, all the lists, all the

drawings and the letters to myself were ‘beneficial’.

I had to be 100 percent onboard and honest to feel

the gain/reward.

Random page from my journal ‘Happy Thoughts’

contains a letter I wrote to my body. It’s soo much

better to feel good about yourself.

The day I wrote the following I had a good laugh.

Dear Body,

You are old and tired now.

I remember when I used to take better care of you.

What happened? Life! Ageism. Depression.

Although I make honest efforts to forge ahead,

re-starting an exercise regimen combined with

healthy eating I doubt I’m going to approve of

the image in the mirror.

Wear a bikini (heck no) related thought = dread.

The stomach of this body carried four children on

the inside and I have a ‘roadmap’ to nowhere for

proof on the outside.

True, I’m unique and special – look at the previous

exercise, a long list of hobbies I tried throughout

my life and all the accomplishments.

Truth is: ‘I don’t like being old’; however, I’ll continue

my ‘old in years – young at heart’ portrayal.

I pray I can keep a positive mindset – one day at

a time future.

‘It’s okay to love myself and demand respect’ even

when the mirror image is a bit bothersome and tad

scary.

This journal entry portrays mixed emotions.

One has to put themself in a good frame of

mind and enjoy today’s journey at whatever

stage of life.

To compare oneself to the younger generation

is a waste of time since the biological clock

moves in one direction, forward.

Journaling

During December I devoted much time to become

acquainted with myself.

The process wasn’t always easy since I had to admit

my own misgivings and learn how to handle often

awkward situations.

The book I’d chosen was on the Kindle (one I’d have

to return upon completion) and to highlight info

wouldn’t have been feasible plus no archived record

of exercises completed (lists, answers and drawings).

Ah, I opted for a new ‘Happy Thoughts’ journal and

thankful for the additional expense.

New Year’s Day I submitted a 5-star review on the

Goodreads site as I’d participated in the 2021 book

reading challenge.

As luck would have it when I hit the square to post

I received a near blank page telling me ‘an error had

occurred’.

Although I admit this was an annoyance I handled

the situation well. Thankfully the site allowed me to

print out what I’d written. Phew!

It’s much easier to retype work than rewrite it. I

left the computer and chuckled to myself about

starting off year 2022 with a technological glitch.

I perceived what happened that morning with a

healthy attitude.

Yeah me!



March 1st Mindset: Game Over

After reading eulogies on social media of two different men whom I know for fact

were underserving of positive statements written, I wondered if I had the the wrong

concept with regard to life or somehow had turned into a ‘Negative Nancy’.

I refrained from comment with a like, care and certainly not a love emoji. Rather I

bypassed the post and offered up no reply.

After all common sense to me is not build up the character of a man who left a

loving wife with four children, fled to the opposite side of the country, remarried,

started another family yet offered up not one cent for those four children nor the wife

left behind.

My memory storage bank still contains countless flashbacks of many difficult

days the woman endured fending for herself at such a young age

before a much younger man entered her life and helped raise those

children. In my opinion he was more deserving of the praise.

Talk about degrees of forgiveness!!

I thought – wow it’s fine to do ‘whatever’ and be remembered in

such a good light by two of four children you never met only recently

through FaceTime.

This is but one incident this past week that boggled my mind.

Curious, I looked up the definition of ‘Negative Nancy’ and found the

following warning signs:

  1. Constantly worrying – yes I worry a lot; however, I don’t think
    it’s overdone.

  2. World’s great pessimist – no since I offer up lots of support and positive
    compliments to family members, friends and virtual friends
    .
  3. Tendency to be oversensitive – ‘yes’ and have already learned
    behavioral patterns to combat those feelings
    .

4. You don’t go outside your comfort zone – not true since I’m open
to trying new hobbies – traveling alone (dislike – no choice).

5. Dwell on the past – years of family history in making don’t up and
disappear. Chasing out intrusive thoughts daily is tiresome though.

6. Trouble maintaining healthy relationships – that’s a tricky one to
address since each person’s mindset is quite different.


7. Not excited about the future – well when so much has been far
removed from your life, although you weren’t responsible for the
actions of others, it can be difficult to plan ahead taking into
consideration the age factor.


8. Frequently judge others – not exactly – rather listen, observe
and keep opinions to myself.


9. Don’t accept a compliment.
For years I’d always say ‘Thank you’ followed by ‘but’. I changed
as I aged and accept compliments freely.

10. Focus on problems – not solutions – doubtful since I’m constantly
in search of remedies (not always medical ones).


Overall I realize I’m far from Ms. Perfect and people can form their
own opinion(s) (good or not-so-good). It’s me who has to be happy with
herself.


Currently I’ve learned to treat people the same way they treat me – a
blessing in disguise
for me.



Self-help Book

Kindle reader
Insomniac’s brain feeder

Book selection
People-pleaser’s reflection

Mechanisms brain
Process necessary retrain

Personality tests
Truthful answers best

Suggestions follow
Tides daily ebb ‘n flow

Desire learn ‘n accomplish
Persona mindfulness obvious

Designate time write Shadow Journal
Schedule fresh-air walk curb feelings internal

Senior citizen old still young at heart
Assertiveness good method ne’er too late start

Faith and Priorities

Today still uncertain
Best close final curtain

Lord’s messages sent
Interpretations present

Decision address ‘n face
Priorities life misplaced

Whene’er new ideas react
Goal progress sidetracked

Creation last vid clip past weekend
Bid ‘adieu’ thousands virtual friends

Unmarked lit calendar squares near
Allowance time for personal self-care

Thoughts ahead return limited basis
Change niche new journey she embraces