Setting Boundaries

A wakeup call for me, although late in life, was still a

wakeup call.

The genuine attempt to help a person in AA recovery

led me via his sudden rejection down the path of self-

discovery.

I qualify as a co-dependent, a label I always thought

pertained to people with addictions.

The factors in place were ones I thought were healthy.

Wrong!

A person with Type A personality demands perfection

of themselves and needs to understand it’s okay to be

perfectly imperfect.

The two-letter word ‘NO’ seems not to be in their long

list of vocabulary words because they fear rejection.

He or she needs to learn it’s impossible to fix everything

in life and realize it’s not their responsibility.

Bingo – spot on!

This is where the wall of boundaries started to exist.

I began to decline requests void now of feeling any

pangs of guilt.

Sometimes a process appears to be an easy one only

once you actually practice it there’s a strong possibility

of negative repercussions from fake friends, even family

members.

To feel loved I allowed myself to be taken advantage of

to the point of resentment.

Wow – another wakeup call.

The difference now, based on work done on the self-love

journey, is the perception of how I view myself. Those who

suddenly chose to become absent from my life when I

politely declined their requests most likely were never

truly in my corner, rather mere takers.

The decisions how I prioritize my time at this stage of

life need to be favorable to me.

To set the record straight I intend to treat true

friends in the same mannerisms as before while

I slowly remove from my life those who possess

narcissistic traits.

Although a rude awakening, the boundaries I set

in place have actually brought me peace of mind.

A Most Ungrateful Woman

The suggestion to limit time spent on social media

on my self-care journey has worked wonders for me.

Minimalization a.k.a. de-clutter – a 30-day challenge.

Although I did delete apps I didn’t wish to trash my

personal work.

On Facebook I deactivated two specific pages. One

showed transferred blogging posts and the other

years of items crafted.

My budgeted allowance is 30 minutes each morn.

I begin by tending to my Fairyland in memory of

garden app (12 years, 3 months old) then scan the

notifications from my hometown groups (good to

remain knowledgeable ’bout current local events).

Next and last is a quick scroll of the newsfeed with

a limit of ten post reads.

This morn I was flabbergasted. I sat closer to the

laptop’s screen in order to re-read a post written

IMO by a most ungrateful woman. I suppose she

was looking for sympathy from other women.

I rarely comment on posts like these in groups.

Avoid drama!

The content of the post – several paragraphs

with regard to her husband’s increased

workload (40 to 60 hours) due to the Pandemic.

This woman, a widow after 43 years of marriage

within two years found a man who doesn’t smoke

nor drink and actually WORKS.

She was considering leaving him since quality

time shared was now a bare minimum of three

hours each evening (supper and watching TV).

Ladies made comments only they were totally

opposite of what she appeared to be in search

thereof.

The post had been up for an hour when the

administrator suddenly shut it down.

I wonder if this woman would like to endure

the alternative, ‘living alone’.

Self-Love Lists – Good Records

Old folks often experience short-term memory loss.

I’m sure there’s many medical reasons for this pattern.

How strange me, myself and I have no problem

recollecting every detail of events which took place

decades ago; however, without a list I tend somehow

to quickly forget portions of important stuff hence

the need for me to compose a list – make that plural.

Sharing from my journal entries today, I bring you

a Self-assessment list of ways to show myself love.

  1. reading the workbook
  2. completing the written exercises
  3. eating healthier – cooking for one fun
  4. try to get enough rest
  5. participate more in my hobbies
    (I selected seven)

Number ‘seven’ was to limit time on social media.

Old habits are hard to break and although I followed

through even deleting some apps, I still have the

desire – the curiosity to view virtual friends I made

throughout the years and watch inspirational videos.

Today I had to brave a crowded supermarket amid

the current Covid surge since my locale is about to

be hit by a Northeaster starting in the early hours

of Friday morn.

After lunch I accessed my phone and watched some

reels, a video creation on my to-learn list.

One video was about ‘God and Your Call’ and

how he designed me and all aspects of my

life. The inspirational message ended with the

the following: ‘Until you walk into the fullness of

the thing you were created for you’ll be frustrated’,

Wow!!

These words, quite profound, didn’t exactly resonate

with me 100 percent and suddenly I became somber

pondering ‘the whys’.

It would have been wonderful to be born into a loving

family with some wealth.

Would I have been happier? Would I have been

blessed with more opportunities? Who knows?

Born into an extremely poor dysfunctional household,

moving past the negatives to creation of a decent life

only to have it taken away leaving me an emotional

prisoner, who do I thank.

Unfortunately for the viewer, some inspirational

messages can trigger a depressive mood.

I’ve learned to dismiss the intrusive thoughts

and keep the positive ones since all aren’t

exactly relatable to me.

I guess this is progress in my self-love journey.

Quick fact:

Grief isn’t always related to death. A shame more

people don’t understand there are more than 40

life events that cause grief. Lucky me, I’ve

experienced all of them.


Emotional Storm Passed

Unknown to me until recently a child who experienced

parental neglect is referred to as an abused child.
Revelation about myself!
Those three special words,‘I LOVE YOU’, unspoken

by my parents.

Reflecting back lack of affection was the norm.

Often a dysfunctional childhood has adult repercussions.

Although I vowed not to follow in either of my parents’
footsteps, it appears (can relate to now) perhaps I
experienced a lack of judgment in choice of partners.

It’s way too late to change history. Intrusive thoughts

be gone. Adios!!

Today I’ll chit-chat ’bout my ‘Rainbow baby‘, a term I

came across in my reading travels this past week.

By definition a ‘Rainbow baby‘ is a baby born

subsequent to the loss of a previous child.

My second pregnancy ended approximately six

weeks prior to the expected delivery date when

suddenly no longer could I feel any movement

within my quite large belly.

A trip to the OBGYN followed by tests at the

hospital was the beginning of a nightmare.

Two weeks following the test results I delivered

a perfectly formed blond hair, blue-eyed son

who had succumbed to effects from the

incompability of blood types between mother

and fetus (address this topic in a future post).

Unfortunate was mannerisms from the paternal

parent following the loss. Normally at top of a

spouse’s support list, the man I loved chose to

near desert me via his actions and lack of
compassion.
It wasn’t easy; however, through faith I survived

this ordeal.
Ah, back to the ‘Rainbow baby‘, my miracle

son born two years later on the same exact

date as his brother near to the minute.

‘A bit unbelievable – 100 percent truth’.
Perhaps I should make reference to him as

my ‘Double Rainbow baby‘.
I thanked God for my 8 lbs. 10ozs. blessing.
Soo many good memories!!
I’m extremely proud of him and all his

accomplishments.








Journaling

During December I devoted much time to become

acquainted with myself.

The process wasn’t always easy since I had to admit

my own misgivings and learn how to handle often

awkward situations.

The book I’d chosen was on the Kindle (one I’d have

to return upon completion) and to highlight info

wouldn’t have been feasible plus no archived record

of exercises completed (lists, answers and drawings).

Ah, I opted for a new ‘Happy Thoughts’ journal and

thankful for the additional expense.

New Year’s Day I submitted a 5-star review on the

Goodreads site as I’d participated in the 2021 book

reading challenge.

As luck would have it when I hit the square to post

I received a near blank page telling me ‘an error had

occurred’.

Although I admit this was an annoyance I handled

the situation well. Thankfully the site allowed me to

print out what I’d written. Phew!

It’s much easier to retype work than rewrite it. I

left the computer and chuckled to myself about

starting off year 2022 with a technological glitch.

I perceived what happened that morning with a

healthy attitude.

Yeah me!